What is reasonable and what is not?

[NNP1965]

Startingover2 you are amazing!

[runningoutoftime]

Good for you!!! Stay strong. You are worth it.

[Startingover2]

Ohhhhh, I am trying. Haven't heard anything but don't really expect to for awhile. Actions speak louder than words. I am sure he is thinking that if he gives into my requests that he is losing some sort of control.

I just got done working the snackbar for my son's football team and I am exhausted....I think a long shower and a good movie is in order.

[Startingover2]

Exh forwarded a text that he sent OW today.

'I don't think its a good idea that we have contact anymore..even just as friends. I am working on my relationship with (me) and any contact between us is inappropriate.'

I replied with thank you. I am still skeptical. The truth will come out again if he is.

[JAK58]

Now those are some boundries WOW !!!!!!


Grrrrreat job remember to just keep coming here for support as we all second guess ourselves i think.

J

[Startingover2]

I don't have much to update on with exh other than he doesn't seem to have time for our R or me lately. I have no idea if his no contact with OW is holding or not. He hasn't been around much at all.

He does his usual 'hi how are you?' text but that is about it. He has made no effort to spend time together all week. I know life is busy and we live in separate homes and have our kids, but I wish I felt like somewhat of a priority once in a while.

Wednesday I had enough and I started just giving him short answers to his texts and never initiated texting him. I wanted him to feel my irriation whether that was good or bad I didn't care. Strange thing is I never let him know exactly what was bothering me and that probably wasn't good. So now, he has not really talked to me at all.

I am sick of feeling like he has this obligation to check in on me and the baby. Big deal. He is supposed to be working on us and I don't feel that at all. But I guess he is not a mind reader and just thinks I am pissed off for some reason.

Do I tell him why I have been distant? Or just keep going like this. I know not talking is immature. I dont' know why I let my insecurities do these knee jerk reactions.

[JAK58]

[/quote]I sent a simple text telling him I know there is still contact. He crossed my line and I want nothing to do with him. They both are disgusting.
[quote]

You did tell him what was wrong and he knows why you are distant. He also forwarded a text to you that he sent OW telling her he wasn't going to contact her anymore.
That was after he told you that he wasn't contacting her.
You could answer his text's sometimes but don't answer all of them and don't initiate as it would be pursuing.

Play hard to get so to speak give him bites then wait for him to take the bait.That is the best way to explain it. Guys want what they can't have. I would also check if it were me to see if he is still in contact with OW also as he told you he would not be and that is the biggest boundry you have right now. But that is up to you.

This is not going to be over with in a day or two. It takes a long time for things to get better or to find out that it won't work. You have to decide if you want to and how long your willing to work at it.

J

[JAK58]

[/quote]I want nothing to do with you until you prove to me that you have cut all ties with OW once and for all, no excuses. You also need to quit drinking and find AA or another program to help you get sober. Stop making this R about our unborn daughter. It is between you and I and if it truly is only about our daughter then I will see you in March when she is born. You have some thinking and decisions to make. Let me know when you decide.'
[quote]

Another example that he knows what is going on and why you are distant.


Stick to your guns. You are a good person and do not deserve that kind of treatment. And you don't sound like you are willing to live like that either.


J

[Startingover2]

I am seething and in shock.

I just went to my step daughters volleyball game. She goes to the same school where OW teaches. There was really no need for OW to be at the game, she teaches kindergarten.

I arrived and was sitting there with exh's first exwife and some other people. Exdh wasn't there yet. In walks OW!!!! I lost my breath. What does she do? Walks up and sits down with exh's exw and starts talking to her. 3 feet away from me! I didn't say a word to her and didn't even look. She was saying how depressed she was a she was alone and her dad is dying! After about 5 minutes she goes and sits in another area with her friends.

EXdh walks in and had to have seen her. He came up and sat right next to his ex FIL and they were talking about their trip. I was irritated because I thought he wasn't sitting by me because she was there. After a couple of minutes he came and sat by me. I was so relieved.

OW is so gutsy! What more does she need to see? I am growing with this pregnancy every day, he is with me all the time, sits next to me in public, etc. Why is she hanging on? There are way more guys out there with less baggage.

I was very happy that exh didn't blow me off. I would have been livid. I didn't even say a word about it to him. I wonder what he was thinking?

Ok, now I can breathe again.

[JAK58]

So2,

DOn't give her the time of day in your head.
It isn't worth it. She is trying to piss you off and it's working. She is hoping you will argue with XH about it and then she would look better.
DO NOT BOTHER WITH HER.

How are things between you and XH going, is he coming around?

J