One more thing to add that I thought about is that the pain WE felt is totally different than anything our spouses will ever understand.
I do validate my H's feelings in the fact that he obviously felt hurt, anger, etc. which was what led him to wanting a D in the first place and I make sure I remember that he had his pain as well, but I cannot imagine it even comes close to mirroring what we went through.
I went back and read some of your early posts and I'm not sure what pain you are speaking of, the pain of the affairs, or the pain of your husband wanting a divorce?
My first wife had an affair with a co-worker and then shortly after all that ended, she filed for divorce. So I know what those pains feel like. My current situation with 2nd wife(which is improving ) kind of mirrors your situation..kids early on, very difficult pregnancies etc.. Believe me, I have sympathy for you, my wife, and any other woman that has to go through that. But let me give you a little perspective from the man's point of view.. I don't know if your husband is like me but I need physical touch, physical intimacy to feel loved. You can buy things for me, do things for me, tell me how much you love me, and while that is all well and good, without physical intimacy, I WILL NOT feel loved....period !
I liken the pain felt from an affair as being similar to the death of a loved one. It's a deep hurtful pain but as each day passes the pain lessens. Personally, I don't feel it ever truly goes away because I still feel pain from my first wife's affair even though I am now happily married to a wonderful woman and have 2 lovely little girls ( ) My point is, I still feel that pain but it is less. Fast forward to being in a relationship that lacks the physical intimacy that I need, the pain felt might not be as severe, but it is a CONSTANT pain. It's a constant feeling of being alone even when with the woman you love. Yes, I know she loves me just as I'm sure you love your husband, it's just very hard for me to FEEL it without the intimacy or feeling of neglect.
Just my 2 cents, and thanks again for the posts over in SSM forum
) kind of mirrors your situation..kids early on, very difficult pregnancies etc.. Believe me, I have sympathy for you, my wife, and any other woman that has to go through that. But let me give you a little perspective from the man's point of view.. I don't know if your husband is like me but I need physical touch, physical intimacy to feel loved. You can buy things for me, do things for me, tell me how much you love me, and while that is all well and good, without physical intimacy, I WILL NOT feel loved....period ! 
