I'm absolutely not going to give up. At the same time I can see that at times I've pressured her it's pushed her away. I think Brian is right, I need to throw my heart out there and show her that I can be that person, but without pressuring her. Specifically her complaints about me stem from several things:
- I'm too needy and this causes me to get hurt by little insignificant things, then I withdraw and don't talk to her for days (this I'm addressing and making progress) - I'm not open and hold back from telling her how I'm feeling - For years she has felt like she just wasn't important to me, and now I only want her because I can't have her - I haven't been a man, relying on her to make decisions and take care of things. The classic 'where do you want to go to dinner?' and I say 'Wherever you want dear.' - She needs me to listen and support her without trying to fix her problems. This I've been doing and I pointed out to her in our last talk that I'm supporting her in moving across the country for school even thought it may mean going without me, and she seemed to hear that and agreed.
Those are the things I need to correct. I just struggle with not giving up vs not pressuring her...
I'm working my way through The Way of the Superior Man and it has been an eye opener so far as it really addresses a lot of things woman need from their man and how the difference in emotional responses and communication between men and women should complement each other. It's hit me that my W needs me to be a man and I haven't been!
As for the separation, I have no choice. I don't want it, but what can I do? She said right now she can't work on the M, she's just not ready. Being around each other so much puts so much pressure and stress on us. For the past month I've been feeling more and more indifferent as none of my needs are being met and I'm rejected at every turn. Do I think the S will be good for us? I don't know. I do know that it's what she feels needs to happen, and if I stand in her way all that's going to happen is that she will begin to resent me more and more. And on the plus side, since she still wants to talk and go on dates, she will have plenty of opportunities to see me and see what I'm doing. I'm really hoping that through this we can get back to a point where it was like when we were dating, where we start to talk on the phone for hours every day. If we can get to that point then I'll be pretty confident we can get back together. Gotta keep up the flirting and manliness though, so she doesn't start to think of me as just a friend
So no, I'm not going to give up. At some point in the future I might have to. Right now the ball is in her court to want to work on the M, but the ball is in my court to prove to her that it's worth it. I'm trying to adopt a confident attitude that I will get her back, she can't resist my charms Hard to do when I also have to accept that there is a good possibility that I won't get her back. Realistic or confident? I don't know...
