It sounds like you are doing really well though. Totally reacting calmly like you did and not allowing her to push your buttoms was awesome.

Keep it up!! That is what will bring her around. She needs to see/know for herself that the changes you are making in yourself are for real. She will hopefully realize that she is going to be losing A LOT.

I know w/ my H, it was me just being supportive and loving instead of kicking his a$$ to the curb like I at times wanted to was what finally brought him around. He realized if I loved him enough to "put up w/" all that he had said & done and still lovingly supported him, he would be pretty "silly" (ok would like to use other words, but...) to let me and our M go.

Me: 38
H: 35
S4, S5, S10
Bomb 01/07
Wanted D - nothing would change his mind
Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb
Piecing 04/07
Deployed for a year 05/07
Still Piecing 2010
M 11 yrs 05/10