Help! Huge Bomb. Need help from the guys also.

[RedHeadWife]

I totally, totally understand what you are saying. I never thought MY HUSBAND could do & say the things he did. Honestly, it took time for the trust to come back and it took time before I wasn't constantly thinking about the whole sitch constantly.

It's kind of like grieving -- you have to go through different emotions and the whole process.

The love you have for your husband right now will never be the same as when you got married or even last week. The husband you are now married to will always be a different person than the person you married, however, that's not necessarily bad.

I would say, if you honestly want to work on your M, just tell him you need some time away. He should understand that. Go away and have some time to yourself, away from him. Time to think and then come back fresh.

Will you ever be happy? I guess you have to again ask yourself the same question -- do you love your husband? If the answer is "yes," then you can and will be able to heal from this and rebuild a better marriage than you had before.

Everything happens for a reason; I truly believe that. I actually am thankful for my D sitch and all that went along w/ it. If it hadn't happened, H and I would not be where we are today and would be in a far worse place than we were prior to the D sitch even happening. If it hadn't happened when it did, we may not have been able to actually work through it and get through it the way we have been able to.

I really think it would be a good thing for you to just get away, even for a few days, by yourself to just "air yourself out" as my Dad would say. Give yourself some time away, by yourself, to decompress and then maybe you will have some better answers for yourself.

One thing I would say for sure is DO NOT make any rash decisions right now while all the pain is so fresh & new.

I just want to reiterate again, the husband you are married to and the M you have will never be the same, but they can actually be better. We learn so much going through these situations and our M's are actually better and more fulfilling b/c we learn so much. Some people just "toodle" along for years in a rut and neither one does anything about it so there is no reason for change.

Take this as the opportunity to make a new and better than ever marriage. Remind yourself of why you love your H. Remind yourself why you married him and think of all of his positive attributes.