He's on Match.com

[Trixi]

Well, I did it. sort of. not really...kind of.

Journal/updating--

I came home and he was smiling at me and I was glowering at him.

He said "Are you mad at me?" and I said "you could say that."
I then said "You know, I was thinking, I would sure like to meet a guy who had NO baggage, that wanted to travel the state and be intimate. Yeah. And it would be really cool if he wanted to go to Fiji or some place exotic like that. You don't happen to know anyone like that, do you?"

So he was sorta smiling and chuckling and I was arms crossed, foot tapping. We had a good stare off. Finally:
H "I TOLD you I wanted to see other people"
Me "And I told YOU that I didn't want to be part of a harem. I don't think we should be "dating" anymore. And that means no more sex, too."
H "That's fine by me. good idea. Because I want to date and I am going to do it. That's what I need to do right now."

Then we talked a little bit about living arrangements. I asked what would happen if he broke his lease, because I found a cute house. First he said that maybe I *should* go buy the house; he thinks we are going to end up divorced anyway-but he's not 100% sure, but he is leaning a lot more in that direction. Then I challenged him on a couple issues; he countered saying we're not right for each other, I countered with that he ALWAYS comes back; that he loves me. He agreed that he loves me a lot. So then he said I should go ahead and stay in the house because it would be cheaper and he didn't want to move right now.

Broken hearted, I came in the house, bawled some; I felt stiffled. I went back to the garage and said I couldn't move forward with all his stuff there. He said I could pack it up if I wanted.

I asked him to come and look at the house. He did. He thought it would be "perfect" for me and could see why I wanted it. I explained the lease to him. He said he would check with the apartments to see what would happen if he broke his lease.

On the way to the house, we were passing new buildings being built and then I see the YMCA. So I say "Oh-and there's the YMCA. I'll be going there; it's so close I could walk to it. Cool."

We went out to dinner. I said I just didn't know what to do about the house. He said "well, maybe you should just rent it (not do the lease) and just ask that they give you first right of refusal." Later he said "if we get back together, maybe I would just move in with you. I don't like yard work as much as I thought I would."

That opened the door for me to tell him "how it would be":
"I will move into the house and make it really cute and homey. I'll be lonely at first, but I'll get over it. I'll get a really cute dog. I'll have friends over. I'll lose weight and get in shape. I'll be enjoying my life and my business will be successful. You'll be thinking you can just move on. You'll be trying to date, but they won't measure up to me [he made a noise of agreement]. A couple/few months will go by and finally you'll call up to say 'hi'. I'll be in between boyfriends because they won't be able to measure up to you [he made another noise of agreement], so I'll ask if you want to come over and see the house and have dinner. You will say "yes" and come over. You'll walk in and feel like you have come home. You'll love my dog. We'll have a nice dinner and soon, you will be coming over more and more.You'll wonder why in the world you ever wanted to break us up. Finally, we will discuss getting back together for good and then we will travel and do all sorts of fun things. I will forgive you for making me move, because it will finally break this vicious cycle once and for all. Yup. That's how it's gonna go down."
He was smiling the whole time and said at the end "It sure would be great if it turns out that way. I hope it does."

At one point during dinner he said something about us being friends and I said "um, no. You're my husband not my friend" and he said "Noooo...I am your friend" I conceded that of course he was my friend, BUT, he is my husband and that is what I want from him; I don't want to be "just friends" and he said "Oh, no. You're not going to shake me that easily. I will hunt you down. You can't get rid of me." I told him we could argue about that later.

On the way home he said "well, Lu(pet name for me), you're just gonna have to prove your stuff."

We get home and he said something (can't remember what) and I said "Yeah-don't want to be part of the Harem" and he was like "you don't want to be Queen of the harem?" "Nope. I want to be queen of your world." By then he had his hands on my waist and was caressing my waist and staring into my eyes. Nothing happened, well...he did kiss me.

He is now headed out to meet with mutual guy friend at the bar. Apparently he told MGF that I was mad and MGF said he was going to bar by himself, so it could be boys night out. On his way out, H said that if MGF's woman friend was there, he would call me and I should come down.

Sorry for such a long story. It was important to me to get that out. I still feel sick to my stomach if I imagine him gone forever, and I suppose that it could ultimately end up that way; but I think my fantasy/story is a much better ending.