Morgan I needed to read your cheerful posts tonight. My little ones are gone and I'm sad...I don't know how I would bear being away from them every other weekend.
Glad today has gone better for you!
Me (36) H (42) M (12) S-8 D-5 SS-18 D Day (PA) 12/02 S 10/03 R 1/03 S again 9/07 I choose Joy.
gingersnap, I am apart from them every weekend right now...friday evening to sunday morning. but I'm a sahm, and have a ton of time with them. and really, I have sunday with them, too, so its not like the whole weekend.
it was very very hard at first. but it has gotten a bit easier...more routine, anyway. and I actually look forward to a little me time now. I miss them, don't get me wrong. I really miss the 5 of use together as a family. but what can you do? it is what it is.
take it easy tonight. rent something fun. keep choosing joy.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
hey morgan, how is your day and night going? So H looked scared of you and kinda crappy huh? I wish my H would look crappy, the rat bastard. Glad you gave that 'opening up' a second thought, although I don't think it would hurt to throw him a bone now and then. You know our aliens, they will somehow use our goals against us.
Have you heard this song? Seven Days Of Lonely.....
Ohh I got a call today At 3 AM It's what you didn't say that told me I'd get hurt again. So I hung up the phone and I screamed out loud I felt so alone, I should had said the things I'm thinking now
Ohh never thought it would be so hard to let you go
Tell me how I'm gonna make it your the one I cant forget It's like I'm running in slow motion in a nightmare that never ends When I try to face it when I wake up I hate the way reality sets in God I wish you could hold me, through the seven days of lonely. (The seven days of lonely, yeah)
Oh it's deafening The bitter truth I'm doing everything for the first time again without you I pretend I'm ok But it aches inside There's got to be a way that's better then just getting by
Tell me how I'm gonna make it your the one I can't forget It's like I'm running in slow motion in a nightmare that never ends When I try to face it when I wake up I hate the way reality sets in God I wish you could hold me, through the seven days of lonely.
My heart is speeding up and slowing down to know I know it's over, it's over And can you die of heartbreak to die for love lost young I pray to find it again, oh again
Got a call today At 3 AM It's what you didn't say that hurts again
Tell me how I'm gonna make it your the one I cant forget It's like I'm running in slow motion in a nightmare that never ends When I try to face it when I wake up I hate the way reality sets in God I wish you could hold me Through the seven days of lonely Through the seven days of lonely Through the seven days of lonely Through the seven days of lonely
gingersnap, I am apart from them every weekend right now...friday evening to sunday morning. but I'm a sahm, and have a ton of time with them. and really, I have sunday with them, too, so its not like the whole weekend.
it was very very hard at first. but it has gotten a bit easier...more routine, anyway. and I actually look forward to a little me time now. I miss them, don't get me wrong. I really miss the 5 of use together as a family. but what can you do? it is what it is.
take it easy tonight. rent something fun. keep choosing joy.
Oh man....I feel like an evil mum. I am desparate for h to take d away for longer than one afternoon. I would love to have my plans work out to go out w/out having to juggle babysitters and know that she is with him and I don't have to worry.
He thinks I'm using her as a pawn. I'm NOT! I just want some time to myself! I have been doing this (as I see it) on my own for 10 months and gee in his mind it doesn't add up to the five years that he spent looking after her while I was away 50% of the time working my arse off so you could go to uni. I'm sorry that that wasn't what you wanted but you didn't appear to complain unless I suggested getting rid of cable tv to cut costs. You wanted it all....I'm sorry I couldn't give it to you.
ag...sorry...hijacking....just a bit livid right now....and feeling guilty for wanting time to myself.
Don't beat yourself up, Casey. I am dying for a break. H was here once this week for 1 hour with me here still taking care of the kids. It's been weeks since he had them alone, and that was for one hour. I have had moments where I consider dropping them off and saying, "Here. It's your turn. I'll be back at such and such time."I don't because I don't think that is what would be in their best interest. I don't know where H lives or who exactly he is with. I'm not going to put the kids in an unstable and unpredictable situation.
Sorry to highjack.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Isnt it amazing how we seem to long for what we dont have? My W is in Vegas with a "freind" for a week and I've been with my three hyper boys non-stop for 5 days now. I would love a break, but I also remember how many times I missed tucking my boys into thier beds when I was forced to sleep alone in an apartment.
At these times, it's easy to wonder why we stay patient with this process.
Me-46;W-42 Together 23 yrs Married 16 S11 S8 S6 02/10/03 Her 1st affair 10/01/06 Sep Bomb 01/01/07 Sep Begins 03/09/07 Her 2nd affair
Isnt it amazing how we seem to long for what we dont have? My W is in Vegas with a "freind" for a week and I've been with my three hyper boys non-stop for 5 days now. I would love a break, but I also remember how many times I missed tucking my boys into thier beds when I was forced to sleep alone in an apartment.
At these times, it's easy to wonder why we stay patient with this process.
I also read that we have to avoid being contentious about the hours of custody. During separation it becomes natural for the parents to take either side of the argument. The WAS is damned if they do and damned if they don't so it is sugeested the LBS agree. I was also advised this by my attorney brother. Give H what he asks for and he will take less than half. Fight him over it and he will take all of the half. It has been true! I actually agree with Neph. I have to juggle between babysitters, a nanny, my family, daycare, and finally my H but it is worth it that my kids do not spend a night away from home and away from me while my H is in an unstable place. Sorry hijack.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Dancing through life Mindless and careless Make sure you're where less Trouble is rife Woes are fleeting Blows are glancing When you're dancing Through life I did not think this had to just apply to WAS because I think it is more of a philosophy or personality type. I am trying to be this way, more zen, and sometimes I just plain play dumb. Maybe I am a passive aggressive but I remember my Grandmother telling me to be like this when life did not go my way. Just kind of like Dory in Finding Nemo, just keep swimming. I do not know the context of the song but if it was the Scarecrow it makes sense. Sometimes people do over analyze stuff. Especially in our sitch. The plain facts are that people grow apart and make stupid choices. We can dwell on it or just keep dancing. Although I do not agree that any WAS should be thoughtless and careless in regards to their spouses and children. I just think we could try to make ourselves happy for a change and act as if we are happy.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
wow, good son, lwb. still can't get that other one (stay) our of my mind. the visuals and the lyrics just kill me.
casey, neph and hiscott are right, there is absolutely nothing wrong with needing a little time on your own without the kids, and there should be no guilt about it. I don't know why I don't feel guilty. I miss them terribly, I miss the 5 of use together, but I feel okay about me taking some time for myself. and I agree, hiscott, when H travels or something and I have them all week/all weekend on my own, it does get hard, but then I remember the nights I've wandered the house feeling a bit empty that they are gone and it makes it better.
mk, you make such interesting points about things. H was so scared about me keeping the kids from him when I first found out about the affair. it never once occurred to me to do so, and we have worked out our current arrangement pretty easily...I've never said no to him, he's never said no to me. we coparent pretty well, its the one thing we seem to naturally do well, and for that I am grateful. I actually don't mind the kids going on sleepovers to mimi/daddy's house...for now. ask me again when he wants them at ow's house. that, my friend, will be much, much harder.
reading the section of dancing thru life I can see what you mean about it applying to lbs's too. I think I see the song in context...sung not by the scarecrow, but by a man who is completely self-absorbed (at the time of the song) and only interested in his own pleasures, regardless of consequences. guess that's why I thought immediately of H.
you have a good point about acting happy...it releases those endorphins and eventually we aren't faking it. so a good thing, too.
hope everyone is having a good saturday. busy here, but I'm home now and am trying to get some stuff done around here that was on my to-do list. I got distracted out with my MIL doing some stuff so didn't quite get what I wanted to done, but that's okay. a good day. I have the outfits all ready for the photo shoot tomorrow...fingers crossed everyone that the kids cooperate! (might want to cross toes, too, my kids are not known for cooperation and pictures).
I re-arranged my bookcase a little while ago. not fully, but I pulled together all of my self-help books that I've aquired over the last 7 months and gave them their own section. I even stopped hiding divorce busting/divorce remedy. I had them hidden because I didn't want H to find them. now I am pretty much convinced he will never notice them, and if he does, well, who knows.
have pulled out divorce remedy to read thru again tonight before the game. I think I've gone in to full out withdrawal mode instead of detaching.
I've also made a decision about H. I am going to keep to my don't ask/don't tell about social stuff, but I'm going to start asking him how is he doing/how is work going, that kind of stuff. he is really sad that I don't ask at all. casually, not prying, not pursuing. he wants me to ask. if I find he seems to see it as pursuing, I'll back off from it. but going to give that, at least, a try. but still going to keep the social stuff taboo. we'll see how it goes.
a little sad off and on...thinking too much of THEM (h and ow). nipping that in the bud, but have found my mind wandering to them too much once again.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
How is it possible to not think about h/w and ow/om? Sometimes I wish that I could have a lubotomy to stop the obsessing. Even if we are able to stop the pursuing and to maintain our distance, how can we keep our mind from wandering there?
Me-46;W-42 Together 23 yrs Married 16 S11 S8 S6 02/10/03 Her 1st affair 10/01/06 Sep Bomb 01/01/07 Sep Begins 03/09/07 Her 2nd affair
