There and Back, # 9

[SallyM]

wow, good son, lwb. still can't get that other one (stay) our of my mind. the visuals and the lyrics just kill me.

casey, neph and hiscott are right, there is absolutely nothing wrong with needing a little time on your own without the kids, and there should be no guilt about it. I don't know why I don't feel guilty. I miss them terribly, I miss the 5 of use together, but I feel okay about me taking some time for myself. and I agree, hiscott, when H travels or something and I have them all week/all weekend on my own, it does get hard, but then I remember the nights I've wandered the house feeling a bit empty that they are gone and it makes it better.

mk, you make such interesting points about things. H was so scared about me keeping the kids from him when I first found out about the affair. it never once occurred to me to do so, and we have worked out our current arrangement pretty easily...I've never said no to him, he's never said no to me. we coparent pretty well, its the one thing we seem to naturally do well, and for that I am grateful. I actually don't mind the kids going on sleepovers to mimi/daddy's house...for now. ask me again when he wants them at ow's house. that, my friend, will be much, much harder.

reading the section of dancing thru life I can see what you mean about it applying to lbs's too. I think I see the song in context...sung not by the scarecrow, but by a man who is completely self-absorbed (at the time of the song) and only interested in his own pleasures, regardless of consequences. guess that's why I thought immediately of H.

you have a good point about acting happy...it releases those endorphins and eventually we aren't faking it. so a good thing, too.

hope everyone is having a good saturday. busy here, but I'm home now and am trying to get some stuff done around here that was on my to-do list. I got distracted out with my MIL doing some stuff so didn't quite get what I wanted to done, but that's okay. a good day. I have the outfits all ready for the photo shoot tomorrow...fingers crossed everyone that the kids cooperate! (might want to cross toes, too, my kids are not known for cooperation and pictures).

I re-arranged my bookcase a little while ago. not fully, but I pulled together all of my self-help books that I've aquired over the last 7 months and gave them their own section. I even stopped hiding divorce busting/divorce remedy. I had them hidden because I didn't want H to find them. now I am pretty much convinced he will never notice them, and if he does, well, who knows.

have pulled out divorce remedy to read thru again tonight before the game. I think I've gone in to full out withdrawal mode instead of detaching.

I've also made a decision about H. I am going to keep to my don't ask/don't tell about social stuff, but I'm going to start asking him how is he doing/how is work going, that kind of stuff. he is really sad that I don't ask at all. casually, not prying, not pursuing. he wants me to ask. if I find he seems to see it as pursuing, I'll back off from it. but going to give that, at least, a try. but still going to keep the social stuff taboo. we'll see how it goes.

a little sad off and on...thinking too much of THEM (h and ow). nipping that in the bud, but have found my mind wandering to them too much once again.