Calling All Cats :)

[LoginName]

Hi Cat,
I think runningoutoftime (root?) is partly right, but since I too am feeling the lack of affection, I have a slightly different take.

Mainly, showing affection seems to fill like pressure to the WAS, at least my WAS. She feels that I then expect her to respond in kind. Even if I don't, even if I don't expect anything, she precieves it differently. So I'm not affectionate. The more 'standoffish' I am, the more little, tiny, baby steps she takes toward me physically. (i've a feeling I should be running a spell check on this, but hopefully it'll make sense anyway).

Also, it can hurt to show affection to someone who doesn't respond.

I think the fact that he accepts a kiss is great. I think that you can kiss hime and not feel bad is great. Keep it up.

It hits me so often that nothing we do really matters. It's all inside of them. They have to figure things out.

But... on the other hand... Maybe I'm not pushing enough. I think all the space I've given my W has helped us. When do you know when to start pushing a little? I think, because of some clues that I hope I'm not missinterpreting, that my W is signalling that she wants me to push, move, lead us toward each other. I'm going to test the waters and see what happens.

Tomorrow, my son and I are driving to AR to visit my W and daughter for a week. I'm going to work via internet while I'm there. The kids have some time off school, so it seemed like a good time to get together. I will initiate some R talk, see where it goes and how it's received. I'll initiate a little touching - hold a hand, rub a shoulder, see how that's reacted to.

Cat, I've set deadlines too. Deadline might be the wrong word. I'm not saying that unless such and so happens, I'll file for D. I do find it easier to live with the ambiguity and waiting if I have an idea of when I think it might end. When the deadline comes, I'll reassess where we are and go from there.

I don't like the DB book idea of setting goals like, "he'll kiss me by the end of the month". I think it's to focused on them and their actions. I tried it when we started peicing and was disappointed. Eventually, my "goals" were met, but long after I thought they would be and only when I stopped thinking of them.

Hope you're doing well.