He's on Match.com

[mkultra]

I am caught up now on your sitch. I am sorry that you are feeling so much anxiety or your H's choices. I agree with Dr. Harley that your H is acting ready for an affair if he has not already had one. Who knows with his attitude but I do not think that is grounds for a divorce. I also agree with Dom that you can Act As If and reward positive behavior that your H is showing when you are together. You snooped and that needs to stop. Yes, he is actively seeking but who knows if he will act on it. I feel it is a betrayal but it would be the same if he went to a concert with his friend, checked out the ladies and wondered if it could be a Match. That is what these online fantasy places can be. Some people act on it some just look, like the ad says. I have looked, have you? Stop snooping. I also agree with Saffie about being stuck because we are all in LIMBO LAND waiting for this fog to clear. I did find something that I think sums up how your H will not see you as a date because he is cake eating. He already feels like he won you.
We Always Want More Of
Something We Can’t Have...
Women all over the United States call me and say, “The man in my life is pulling away, because he’s afraid of commitment.” And I say, “You have been head-over-heels in love with
him for three months or three years? You haven’t looked at another man since you got
involved?” “That’s right. That’s right.” I said, “So the reason he’s pulling away is he has
low self-esteem and he’s looking down on you for being in love with him.”
“Subconsciously, he wants struggle. You think he wants reassurance. So you’re trying to give
him reassurance that you won’t hurt him and that you should be together, and so forth and so
on. And this reassurance is never working. Therefore, the remedy is wrong, because it’s
based on the wrong diagnosis. He gets afraid of commitment after he’s bored to death,
because subconsciously he wants a project. He wants a struggle. You’re taking away any
challenge to him that he wants. You say, ‘I’m all yours. I’m all yours. I love you. I want to
be with you forever and ever. I’d do anything to please you.’ So subconsciously, he thinks,
‘Oh, what an idiot.’”
I was telling this to a woman not very long ago and she started laughing. She said, “It makes
me think of Groucho Marx. Groucho said, ‘I wouldn’t be a member of a club that would have
me as a member.’ And that’s it, exactly.” So I encouraged the woman to relax, act
independent. I said, “See? The more you pursue your husband, wife, or girlfriend, the more
you pursue them, the more they subconsciously have contempt for you. They think you’re
stupid to be in love with them, because they have such a low opinion of themselves, whether
they’re aware of this or not.”
So by your acting unconquered, date others, act happy, agree with them we both need space.
We need this separateness. You’re exactly right. This is going with their energy. This is
jujitsu.