He's on Match.com

[Trixi]

I wish I could hop over the ocean and give you a hug. Your H is being cruel to you mentally - I know he doesn't know that you know but it is still cruel.

Thank you. Thank you for understanding. I do feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I know that, technically, we're separated and the rules of engagement are different; that he doesn't 'feel' married, nor does he want to.

But how can I have any self respect if I sit idley by while my husband SEARCHES for someone else? He's not even entangled by emotions and stuck in the fog.

I love him a great deal and even contemplating telling him to go away until he makes up his mind scares the sht out of me and makes me afraid I will lose him for good. But, this is no way to live. I wouldn't mind "dating" him, having sex, etc, if we were dating exclusively and he was using the rest of his time to really consider what he wanted and work on his issues. But, since apparently he "has no baggage", I don't see *that* happening.

It makes me sick that he is offering up to the world *exactly* what I want. *I* want to travel, *I* love to "explore the state and be intimate". Why not do these things with ME, his WIFE? Why not invest the same energy that he would in taking someone else (a stranger) on a date???????????????

No, he doesn't know that I know (yet), but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to read between the lines when all he could offer for dating exclusively was "so far" and that he wanted to have the option to date others. He MUST know that he is really not doing the "right" thing because HE says that a lot women would tell him to F off until he got his sht together; that I am a big girl and can make my own decisions and that if it's too hard on me, I can tell him to take a hike. Those are not the words of a man who feels he is treating someone with respect. If he thought he was being respectful, it would never cross his mind that a lot of people wouldn't accept it; he would be confused if I made any objections--not say that he would "understand" if I did.

I guess I should feel 'lucky' that he agreed to sexual exclusivity; however, I think it is probably because he knows I am "bug-free" and I don't demand much from him. (Like exclusive dating.) If he starts sleeping with someone else, he risks disease and then having her start expecting him to date her exclusively.

Last night, (and even right now) I am starting to talk myself into thinking "oh well...It's not so bad...Maybe if I am just patient enough and I wait it out long enough...and then we could still see each other and it won't be so scary..."

WHAT AM I THINKING??? Someone slap me!! My husband is advertising wanting to be "intimate" with someone else! (And, he has been on there again within the past 12 hours.)