another bomb is dropped

[Jen_Jam]

OK, JPF, you're going to need a LOT of patience here, a LOT.

I've skipped through your old posts and it looks like your W has never actually got up and got the paperwork, my H never did that either. if I had done it for him he'd have loved it, but I didn't - he wanted the D, he could do the work for it.

I would ask you now a couple of questions:

1. What did you do or not do in your M that your W felt she had been asking for but you hadn't listened?
2. Similar but what do you think your contribution to this crisis was? (remember there will b a lot outsdie of your control, like her mother)

What i'm getting at is for you to be the H she always wanted (maybe you're doing that now) because YOU can change the things she doesn't like, that is in your power. But you may have already done that (from your posts you seem to me a great guy! A lot like my H - you don't give in to panic, you listen to others points of views and you allow people space, putting their needs before yours). If this is the case and you ARE the guy she wants then there is nothing more you can do but keep that up and continue to wait.

I used to call my H's depression a mini MLC. I'm not sure what it was. I've asked H and he isn't sure either, but thinks it might well have happened anyway, even if he'd never met me. he just didn't know what he wanted and a lot of the time sat there with a "constipated face". I just went off and GAL'd, invited him along sometimes, if he declined didn't worry about it visibly but I got a lot over to him. We had R talks, sure, but we also had talks that were non-R and sometimes like a "lets' set the world to rights". In these I could get over things like "we make ourselves happy" or "I am happy cos I choose to be. I could choose to be miserable but it gets me nowhere, so i decide to be happy instead and I feel better".

Sounds like you and your W need to carry on living as room mates. Sure you will have to find some boundaries BUT a lot of the time you're going to have to let her dictate the pace :(. It will be very rough on you so gather abotu your friends .... you will need to lean on them quite a bit.

And - at the end of this there is no guarantee ... your W may feel she's tried and the sitch has gone oon for some time, she will likely feel your M is impossible. Don't disagree with her, but let her decide that she has to really want to get a D. Sounds to me like she has no oomph to get up and go herself (If I had been the WAS, I'd have had the D papers in a flash, but in my M I'm the one who does the accounts, deals with legal paperwork etc cos I'm better at that kind of thing. H just gets confused and forgetful). OR if she normally is the kind of person that has no probelm dealing with forms, accounts etc and she HASN'T filed look on that as a good thing.

Hope it helps - I'm watching you!!