Now I've done it.... again #4?

[nephartiti]

Thanks, Ginger. I guess that's why the LBS so commonly gets fed up and decides they don't want the WAS after all.

It still gets me how they can justify everything. Well, not only justify but turn it around so that it's our fault. Not feeling very DB at the moment. Feel more like "Kiss my ass!" at the moment.

It will pass. I will be the bigger person. I will be the bigger person. I will be the bigger person.

Nope. Not feeling it yet. Try again later.

[Reincarnated]

{{{{neph}}}}

When I am in a good place (which is more often than not, although it seems the opposite because I come on the boards when it is bad), I am actually thankful that H DOESN'T come back when I am a weepy mess.

What kind of life would that set up for us? He would resent me, and I would be a perpetual doormat.

No, if it to ever work, for me at least, it will be those baby steps, but working with a MC--BOTH of us, together.

OT has said that you really can't put more work into a M than your S is willing to give, in the long run. If they decide to come back, they will eventually have to pick up the slack and get to work. Not all at once--no, we have to do the heavy lifting at first, but eventually...

I just don't know how many WAS's are up for the challenge in the long run. I hope your H is one.

[nephartiti]

Oh, I hear you, Donna. When I am a weepy mess, I won't answer his calls. Actually, I am hardly a weepy mess. My bad place is a really pissed off angry woman ready to rip him a new one, maybe two. That's when I have to be VERY careful. I want so much to call him or track him down and just let him have it. I have to take active measures to hold myself back, literally. Lord help him if he tries to call me at those times because it is oh so tempting to pick up that phone. I literally have to walk away. I'm getting better, but I am no where near "there" yet. This is really holding us back, too. I know it is. Everyonce in a while, he tried to test the waters. Sometimes I do well, sometimes I slip a little. It just takes one little slip to send him running.

Right now I am sick with two sick babies. That isn't helping my PMA. I am up right now, b/c I just got them both back to sleep from a bout of crying, coughing, clearing mucous so baby can nurse. Just when they fall asleep, I have a coughing attack and nearly wake them up again. Meanwhile H is somewhere, but not here helping to comfort his little ones. GGGRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I sound bitter, I know. I actuallly feel pretty mellow at the moment, believe it or not. Think I'll try and get a little more sleep. Still no contact from H. I did send a couple of pics of the kids at bedtime to his cell. That would be my first attempt at contact since we talked on Tuesday.

Sorry, I must be half asleep. My thoughts are all over the place. Going to bed now... after I check on Morgan.

[SallyM]

hey neph,

I'm sorry you and the kids are still sick. that is NOT helping anything. good for you for holding back and recognizing that now is a good time to go dark. stay strong!

[Gingersnap]

oh Neph...you poor thing! I know it sucks because I just got through helping my little ones through the stomach flu. Who's up at 2am cleaning out puke buckets, putting a cool cloth on their foreheads and giving them some Sprite? Uggh.....the resentment can really sink in. At least mine where better before I caught it. But man, when I had it, I made sure to avoid H like the plague. I just can't play these silly games when I'm sick.

Hope you are all better soon!

[nephartiti]

Thanks, everyone. I thought we were all starting to get better, but I feel worse than ever today. Just can't seem to kick this one. No sleep probably isn't helping, and wouldn't you know it. For some reason, my work load right now has gotten near insane.

Don't know how I will keep my sanity today.

[nephartiti]

Feeling a little better. Been working my booty off today. Plus, it's almost 90 degrees out here. I feel like I'm sweating this cold out.

Funny thing happened. S9 got out early every day this week because of parent teacher conferences (S9 is officially the top student in his class, btw). I think H might have come while I was gone, but he didn't call either of the phones.

Here's the thing. The kids put out these little Halloween decos that you stake into the dirt. There were 4. I found two in the trash in our back yard, and 2 are completely missing. I know, I know. Why would H throw away the kids' decorations? Actually, that would be soooo typical of his passive agressive self.

Here's the thing. Halloween is S9's favorite holiday. Hence it is H's least favorite. He has been known to throw away S9's things, break his toys, sell his videos (gifts from his dad). Just a few weeks ago, you will recall that he deleted one of S9's drawings from the computer. This was a Halloween drawing with Jack-o-lanterns and the like.

I have no proof, of course. I just don't know who else could possibly have done it. It would have to be someone who knew we have the trash in the back yard... that pretty much leaves H.

Strange, petty behavior. No point saying anything. He will just deny it anyway, but boy does that get my panties in a bunch. I guess some things never change. Here I am working on "my" issues and he's still taking things out on S9.

I want to make some peanut butter cookies, but don't think I'll dare in this heat. Think we'll do movie night. Tomorrow I'm planning to hit the farmer's market. Sunday, we have a birthday party to go to. Hopefully everyone is feeling better by then.

[SallyM]

glad you are feeling a little better, neph. but oh I want to go kick your H. hard. wow, to pick on your 9 year old is wrong on so many levels. I am floored, don't even know what to say. I want to fly out to LA and decorate your whole place from top to bottom in halloween stuff. I love halloween, too, how dare your H try to ruin something so fun for a 9 year old kid???

sorry, that just makes me mad. I'm sure you are beyond angry about it.

have fun with movie night, maybe some sorbet or ice cream would be good in the heat and with you all not feeling well.

the farmers market definitely sounds good to me.

feel better!

[nephartiti]

I have to issue a retraction! H is off the hook on this one. The mystery of the Halloween decorations has been solved.

I found the other two missing ones on the ground in the back yard. I picked them up and was looking at them when S2 walks out and says "play drums". Turns out he was using them for drumsticks! I asked him if he threw them in the trash and he went into quite a lengthy explanation...

Sorry, H. I guess I just expect the worst. Wow, I really do have trust issues. He did do those other things in the past, though. I have caught him in the act on those, but he's innocent this time.

So I still haven't heard from H, and I guess he didn't stop by either. So we are still dark except for the occasional pic of the kids I send his way on the cell.

I'm not feeling so PO'd at the moment. The kids and I are having a fun night. Made some cupcakes and did a little silly dancing to the radio. They are watching Casper with some popcorn at the moment. I just wanted to jump on here and clear my H's name as needed.

We are still dark, but not in an angry way. At least not while we still have cupcakes

Btw, I combed the thrift stores the other day b/c none of my clothes fit me anymore. I am officiallly in a size 4 jeans (and I can still breathe comfortably). I have never ever ever worn a size four. Strange thing is I don't feel thin. I still feel... fat. Oh, well.

[Sara]

Nope. No one in size 4 jeans is fat.