I guess you are right, dom, it would have been only polite to ask about him and how he is doing. but hey, hind-sight is 20x20, right?
our wedding was pretty, but our marriage, who we were then, was what mattered even then. I didn't care about all the bells and whistles. what made our wedding beautiful was how personal it was...the two of us were such a team, he would have told you the same thing. nothing could ever part us. not a doubt in either of our minds.
but I suppose that is true for most couples who marry.
mark, thanks for the kind words. I'm going to be okay. there are things that will be hard from time to time, but I really do know that I'll be okay.
the thing I need to avoid right now are total hibernation. I need to keep reaching out to friends and moving my world forward.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
in honor of the freak warm front and my kids current obsession with jimmy buffett, and of course, my looking-to-the-future attitude, thought this fit today:
changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
I took off for a weekend last month Just to try and recall the whole year All of the faces and all of the places Wonderin where they all disappeared I didn't ponder the question too long I was hungry and went out for a bite Ran into a chum with a bottle of rum And we wound up drinkin all night
Chorus: Its these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes Nothing remains quite the same With all of our running and all of our cunning If we couldnt laugh we would all go insane
Reading departure signs in some big airport Reminds me of the places Ive been Visions of good times that brought so much pleasure Makes me want to go back again If it suddenly ended tomorrow I could somehow adjust to the fall Good times and riches and son of a bitches Ive seen more than I can recall
Chorus: These changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes Nothing remains quite the same Through all of the islands and all of the highlands If we couldnt laugh we would all go insane
I think about paris when Im high on red wine I wish I could jump on a plane So many nights I just dream of the ocean God I wish I was sailin again Oh, yesterdays over my shoulder So I can't look back for too long There's just too much to see waiting in front of me And I know that I just can't go wrong
Chorus: With these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes Nothing remains quite the same With all of my running and all of my cunning If I couldnt laugh I just would go insane If we couldnt laugh we just would go insane If we werent all crazy we would go insane
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I have 0 time online (field trip today and school Halloween party in a few minutes), but I wanted to say HI HI HI and that I know yesterday was hard. I was thinking of you. I hope to come on tonight and catch up on your thread. Super big big hugs.
hey lwb! nice to see you...figured you were busy, but sweet of you to swing by quickly.
I'm in a great mood tonight. I am. I was a little ill this afternoon...the thought of seeing H for the kid exchange made me want to throw up. I was fully of anxiety over it for some reason.
we had decided to exchange at costco since i needed to shop for some stuff and he works very close to it. on the drive I started thinking about things. maybe I need a new 180...maybe this rule about don't ask me about my social life/I don't want to know about yours is not working for me so well anymore. it used to work well, it helped me distance a bit from him, helped me create some mystery around myself and all that. but I'm tired of the confrontations over it and the sulking and crap that H pulls.
I had pretty much decided to go ahead and suggest we try his way for a bit (yes, that would include me saying, "how is ow doing?" and trust me, I was ready to have some fun with it) when I thought I should give my friend a call. I did, and she pretty much nixed it for several reasons. first, I haven't done the don't ask/don't tell thing long enough (she wants at least 3 months), 2nd, its really just the same old pattern our marriage has been. I hadn't thought about it, but she was sooo right. he would balk at something, I would eventually give in and do things his way to keep the peace. that's exactly what we've always done, and exactly what I would be doing here.
so I decided not to. and then I hit myself on the head and said, I should have put that under a 48 hour rule anyway. I need to get better about things like that. anyway, glad I talked to my friend and am sticking with my plan for a while.
the kids and i shopped so I could be ready to go when H got off of work (traffic is not fun around here at rush hour). anyway, we had fun at costco, then were having fun running around the mom-mobile for a bit while we waited for him. when he showed up, I was in a great mood...laughing, having fun with the kids, bopping around to music.
he looked 1) scared of me and 2) horrible. he did...he looked pudgy, was wearing a color that does not flatter him (he thinks it does), and a shirt that makes him look fatter than he is. he looks like he has been skipping the gym, which is exactly what he has been doing for the last few months...its starting to show.
this is a huge change from last week when he looked awesome and I was so BS about it (better shirt last week, emphasized the shoulders, didn't show off the mini-gut he's starting to get).
I had more fun chatting with my friend on the way home about it...I vented to her last week about how good he looked, so this we we got to shred him for how bad he looked.
not nice, I know, but hey, it passed the time till I got home, and a little H bashing isn't always a bad thing.
anyway, i'm home for the night, going to curl up on the couch and watch a movie or read a book, haven't decided.
I feel like I'm okay again...for now. am going to be okay.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
nope, not dwelling on it. well over it. I called the kids to say goodnight and sounded up beat and happy because I was...no, not because H looked like crap, but because I'm coming out of my funk, and have a good weekend planned.
I just made out my to-do list for tomorrow and not sure I'm going to get everything in. funny how just a few months ago when we first separated the weekends seemed to last for weeks...I was so sad, bored, restless, overwhelmed. now they fly by. I'm still sad to not have the kids fri night-sun morning, but honestly its been years since I've had any "me" time and I kind of like it. in fact, if H and I do reconciled (yeah, right), I plan to keep it up. love my kids, but I was starting to forget who I was, outside of being a mommy.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
It's good to see you in a positive mood my friend. It's also good that you start to place a value on that "me" time. Sometimes, we do loose ourselves in a relationship because we are so focused on our S and kids.
A year or so ago, I would have never thought I would be so consumed with hobbies, activities, and my boys to not think of my stbx. I don't think of her as much anymore, I'm to busy and caught up in other things. Life happens whether your H is with you or not. Everyday we have on earth is important, we should take advantage of the time.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
okay, I'm in a goofy mood tonight. am blasting some music and a song from wicked just came on my ipod that just seems to fit my H to a t. so I'm sending it out to all the WAS's...to the ones who never tried, who simply followed their whim or their fancy. this one's for you!:
Dancing through Life:
The trouble with school is They always try to teach the wrong lesson Believe me, I've been kicked out Of enough of them to know They want you to become less callow Less shallow But I say: why invite stress in? Stop studying strife And learn to live "the unexamined life":
Dancing through life Skimming the surface Gliding where turf is smooth Life's more painless For the brainless Why think too hard? When it's so soothing Dancing through life No need to tough it When you can sluff it off as I do Nothing matters But knowing nothing matters It's just life So keep dancing through
Dancing through life Swaying and sweeping And always keeping cool Life is fraught-less When you're thoughtless Those who don't try Never look foolish Dancing through life Mindless and careless Make sure you're where less Trouble is rife Woes are fleeting Blows are glancing When you're dancing Through life
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
