we are getting along fine. I just wish there was some progress on her end, like showing interest in me in anything. 'where you going, how was this, how was that'...etc.
I know I'm supposed to be doing things for me, but of course I want to see some interest eventually from her. I feel like she's really following some sort of 'rules' herself.
Its just so difficult to be patient. Its sooooo frustrating to have her be nice to me, but show absolutely no interest and then to say 'I dont want to give you the wrong idea'...
I'm going to continue to try and 'detach' the best I can. But, how do I do that if were still under the same roof? I guess treat her like she's treating me? But how could that be a positive. I cant stand being treated with no respect, no interest. Sort of like I'm a ghost. I feel like I deserve more opportunity that she's giving me.
Just be nice and polite. Just because someone is rude/dismissive towards you doesn't mean you have to do the same.
If you need to get out of the house, go for a walk, hang out at the bookstore, hide your head in a book/magazine, whatever. It's harder if you're in the same physical space, but not impossible to dance around each other.
and, to repeat the advice above, time and patience (which totally sucks, but no other choice).
Yes, we all want our S's to show us some attention. Ain't gonna happen in the short term. Let it go. Easy to say, hard to do, I know, but for your sanity figure out a way to stop focusing on her reactions.
BD
Last edited by Heimlich; 10/19/0704:21 PM.
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
But, how do I do that if were still under the same roof? I guess treat her like she's treating me? But how could that be a positive. I cant stand being treated with no respect, no interest. Sort of like I'm a ghost. I feel like I deserve more opportunity that she's giving me.
Go for simple friendship for now, T. That's the foundation you need to reinforce and then build upon.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Its just so difficult to be patient. Its sooooo frustrating to have her be nice to me, but show absolutely no interest and then to say 'I dont want to give you the wrong idea'...
I'm going to continue to try and 'detach' the best I can. But, how do I do that if were still under the same roof? I guess treat her like she's treating me? But how could that be a positive. I cant stand being treated with no respect, no interest. Sort of like I'm a ghost. I feel like I deserve more opportunity that she's giving me.
If you read 'The five love languages' it talks about making 'love deposits' - Even if your wife isn't doing anything for you, there is nothing stopping you from doing things for her and being a friend. If most of the sitches I read are anything to go by, there's going to be a point where she is starts questioning what she is doing and feels confused and vulnerable, and you probably want to be the person she turns to at that point, rather than someone else. It's hard to be a friend to someone who treats you like dirt and doesn't give you the time of day, but it's possible to detach as a S and still be a friend.
I don't know what to say...I have asked for space and you said you would give it to me. While we have been apart a lot, we are still under the same roof. I know you are making changes and it is great to see...I am happy for you. I hope these changes make you happy.
"I think we need to start discussing our plan...I know it will not be fun or easy, but we can't go on like this...S11 won't even come home. I called the lady C gave us for him...I am going to try and get him in next week. Please work with me on this...I know this is not what you want but if there is any hope for us, I need this. Otherwise, we can just jump to the next step..."
so...she thinks I'm leaving the house. I did say I would, but I havent talked to one person that agrees with me on that idea. I need to tell her, but will it push her over the edge if I tell her she should be the one leaving? It's going to cause a big battle.
Hang tough, tostada. Sure, she's gonna be unhappy when you deviate from The Master Plan. Don't let that intimidate you into doing something you know is not in your family's best interest.
How long is it until your next MC session? Maybe that would be a "safe" place to bring this up?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Please work with me on this...I know this is not what you want but if there is any hope for us, I need this. Otherwise, we can just jump to the next step..."
You want to be right or you want to be married?
Assume she's telling you the truth, that she sees the possibility of hope for you two but that if you don't leave there is none.
Bite the bullet. Get out. It's not optimal or prefered, but your W seems pretty clear on where she is. If you think you can approach her about her moving out rather than you without blaming/accusing/guilting her and having that conversation in an open manner, give it a try.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Bite the bullet. Get out. It's not optimal or prefered, but your W seems pretty clear on where she is. If you think you can approach her about her moving out rather than you without blaming/accusing/guilting her and having that conversation in an open manner, give it a try.
Gotta disagree pretty strongly with you here. IMHO, the MLC Gang ALL "seem pretty clear" on what they want - everybody get on board the crazy train, let's all just cave in and agree the M is over and there's no hope, hurry up and get that D as soon as possible so I can move on to my wonderful new life without you.
The heck with that alien spew. If someone moving out is such a great idea, point her to the door and let her do the hard, painful work of ripping her life apart.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
