Well, in my new-found aim to act “as if” I will be headed toward a D. when I return home (based on W.s email “my position and feelings toward our M. are the same as they have been for the last several years), some issues to ponder, which may be better answered on the “Divorced” forum, but here goes.
Divorce is not easy on anyone, and kids, particularly older ones suffer tremendously, I believe. That being said:
1. I want no part of being divorced. I have a vote, but it may not count. 2. During this period of separation, I have attended my old house on several occasions, as though everything were “fine”. I got the Christmas tree, dragged down all the ornaments (which absolutely devastated me; memories from 20 years of kids, marriage) and put the tree up “for the kids” in my old house. Went there on Christmas Eve and stayed over for “the kids” 3. Continued to leave my job as soon as possible almost every day to pick up S9 from school, and do homework at my old house, fix meals, put kids to bed, wait for W. to return home on the 3 days I was there (she couldn’t possibly be there when I was), and then stumble home to my cra**y apartment. 4. Go out with D15 for her birthday with the whole family like nothing was supposed to be wrong. 5. Listened to W. say to me when she first wanted a D: “You wouldn’t make your kids move and suffer because of a D, would you?”, meaning that she wanted to of course keep the house for the kids, and keep all the friends we’ve established in 20 years, the fireplaces, the big den…etc, as though I was a criminal.
HERE’S MY QUESTION: I NEVER WANT TO HOLD MY KIDS HOSTAGE, BUT WHEN DO YOU GET TO THE POINT WHERE YOU DON’T GET THE TREE, AGREE TO ALLOW HER TO KEEP THE HOUSE (WITHOUT ME GETTING SOMETHING). OUR LIVES WERE SO CHAOTIC BEFORE I LEFT, IT WAS AWFUL. I ALMOST WISHED THAT I LIVED ABOUT A HALF HOUR AWAY SO THAT I COULD GET ON WITH MY LIFE, BUT I WOULD MISS THE KIDS TERRIBLY. THE FUNNY PART IS, SHE BELIEVES THAT ME WANTING TO SELL THE HOUSE IS BAD FOR THE KIDS.
WHERE DO I STRAT SAYING NO TO AVOID THIS CHAOS WITHOUT HURTING THE KIDS. CHRISTMAS, AMONG MANY OTHER THINGS, KILLED ME, BUT I PUT THE TREE UP EVERY YEAR.
