I guess you could click my name and work through that stuff, but I wouldn't. It's all a story of a guy who was like all the rest of the newcomers and just stressed every little interaction as though it would make or break my chances. The little ploys and questioning what worked and what didn't. What did work was being her friend and working on my issues (which still need work...but I think we both work through things quicker and are more willing to look at our own emotions and actions rather than attributing everything that goes wrong to our partner).
Anyway, quick breakdown: Bomb: Jan 2005 (things were bad before this for awhile) Separation: Feb 2005 Divorce May 2005 Back together: January 2006
What happened in between? We spent a fair amount of time together doing things...we skated, walked the dogs, played tennis, went to movies, went to dinner. I helped her move out (and enjoyed moving her back in much more). Went to family events (her family). Ours wasn't what you see with a lot of these situations where the spouse is vindictive and angry. Mine was never like that. There were times we were better friends separated and divorced then we ever were together.
My scenario isn't a good blueprint for anyone, but I think if you can make some sort of relationship where there is no pressure to reconcile immediately, and give it time, that there could be a chance. I think that working on how you interact, communicate (I like to think I'm a better listener, but I still get defensive and we do fall occasionally into old arguing habits), and on your faults is important. I think it's been helpful to both of us to realize that we had expectations that our partner should somehow fix our emotions, when we are in control of those ourselves. It's helpful to let go of trying to control your partner and just work on controlling how you perceive things. It really is amazing how often the problem is our own co-dependency. Just because she's crabby doesn't mean I have to be or that it is about me. Anyway, that was long-winded.
Lissie, to be honest, you can help pave the way towards getting back together, but that's all. Make reconciliation an attractive proposition, but in the end it's still your spouses decision, and you can't control that.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
