thank you so much for all of your support! I watched the sox game and fell asleep early last night, then was up walking the house at around 3am, so am a bit bleary this morning.
unfortunately I did not hold back this morning when H called. was irritated and went off on him a bit. I know I shouldn't have, but I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling attacked and disrespected and having all bounderies crossed without thought by him. I ask so little of him, really, and as usual, give so much. I mean, c'mon folks, he wants me to be "normal" with him? normal would be a hell of a lot less empathetic, a hell of a lot less understanding, a hell of a lot less anything other than bitch. and yes, I did say that to him. I pointed out that he doesn't even want to talk about his life, he just wants me to tell him about mine.
I know, I know, none of that will get me what i want in the end. I don't even know what I want at this point, truth be told.
he had no idea he even upset me last night. the man is so freaking self-involved its not even funny.
anyway, I wasn't all that bad, but I did get a few things off of my chest. he apologized, said it wouldn't happen again, I didn't laugh, but I know that is worth the paper its printed on.
I really appreciate all the words of support and wisdom here. they mean a lot to me. I'm realizing how far away from DB-ing I have gotten. not that I expect it to even save my marriage at this point, but at least hopefully if we do divorce, it will be friendlier. I think I'm going to re-read it this weekend. I've been meaning to, but haven't. care, until you pointed it out, I forgot exactly why I'm not supposed to say these things to H...because they are so self-centered they only see their own pain/anger/hurt.
I have no plans for this weekend. I'm free to do whatever/whenever. haven't had one like that in a while. not a bad thing.
today is a new day. today is about morgan. I made it thru yesterday...I can make it thru anything. I'm standing at the top of this hill and have another one to start up soon, but for now, going to look out at the view ahead and decide on my own path.
eta, the sad thing is I think I could have diffused a lot last night if I had just asked how he was after he had asked how I was. I didn't. I don't ask anymore. I don't ask anything about him anymore. I thought that was the right thing to do...now am wondering.
Last edited by morgan; 10/19/0712:27 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
