My H gets SO mad when I have mentioned that if he had died in a car accident, we all would have been able to heal much faster... it is the truth, but he doesn't / can't see that.
This reality is so much harder.
I am going to ditto what neph said; every point she made was right on.
You also might want to write this up and just give your H a note about how his D is handling the mess that he created. Don't get into a discussion about it, don't use it as guilt, just as a FYI. But swing that by her IC first, to get her feedback. Sounds like your D is being pretty resourceful and normal in her attempts to cope.
