Now I've done it.... again #4?

[nephartiti]

Oh, I hear you, Donna. When I am a weepy mess, I won't answer his calls. Actually, I am hardly a weepy mess. My bad place is a really pissed off angry woman ready to rip him a new one, maybe two. That's when I have to be VERY careful. I want so much to call him or track him down and just let him have it. I have to take active measures to hold myself back, literally. Lord help him if he tries to call me at those times because it is oh so tempting to pick up that phone. I literally have to walk away. I'm getting better, but I am no where near "there" yet. This is really holding us back, too. I know it is. Everyonce in a while, he tried to test the waters. Sometimes I do well, sometimes I slip a little. It just takes one little slip to send him running.

Right now I am sick with two sick babies. That isn't helping my PMA. I am up right now, b/c I just got them both back to sleep from a bout of crying, coughing, clearing mucous so baby can nurse. Just when they fall asleep, I have a coughing attack and nearly wake them up again. Meanwhile H is somewhere, but not here helping to comfort his little ones. GGGRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I sound bitter, I know. I actuallly feel pretty mellow at the moment, believe it or not. Think I'll try and get a little more sleep. Still no contact from H. I did send a couple of pics of the kids at bedtime to his cell. That would be my first attempt at contact since we talked on Tuesday.

Sorry, I must be half asleep. My thoughts are all over the place. Going to bed now... after I check on Morgan.