NikkiB #21

[NikB]

Oh I nearly forgot this.. the other couple times I thought about H.

One was at the last winery. A lot of places they'd ask "Oh, just you?" or "How many in your party? Ohhhh... only one?" It kinda sucked. I'm sure it was unintentional but I have vowed never to do that if I'm in that type of job! Most places weren't THAT bad but the last one I went to was. At most places you stand around at a bar but at this place they seat you and bring you the wine. So I'm sitting at a table by myself in this romantic winery with a bunch of snuggly couples, overlooking beautiful scenery... trying to enjoy it but y'know, it's hard not to have someone to enjoy it with. One of the servers/waiters walked over to me and said (quietly but looking at me really intently) "I think that's so great that you're here by yourself. You're out there and doing it and not just moping at home.. that's great... that's sexy!" [he had NO knowledge of my sitch other than I was at the winery by myself, so that was pretty out of the blue]. It instantly switched my mood from "Ohhh I hope no one notices me here by myself" to "Ohhh yeah I am a strong independent woman and don't you forget it!!"

Later in the night at the "locals" place I got talking a bit about racing and one guy in particular was really into motorcycle racing, was impressed that I knew the local tracks - he said "You're the only girl I've ever talked with about the 'Corkscrew' who actually knows what I mean!" So he asked how I knew about it, I mentioned I ride with H... only time I mentioned H much. For the rest of the night it seemed like when I met new people the "intro" would start "Hey [name] this is Nikki - she's visiting. It's so cool, she's traveling by herself, her H 'lets' her just go for the week and not even check in!"

The DJ/writer guy (older and probably wiser) looked at me skeptically and said "Really?? That's kind of strange, my W would never have that." I said "Well, we're not really getting along well right now, so I'm enjoying the break and..." (the rest was going to be "he probably is too").

The guy grabbed my hand and stopped me and said "Good job! He's acting like a jacka... I mean... jerk, don't let him treat you like that!" ha... thought that was funny. A couple other times he mentioned it about me being "too strong" to put up with bad treatment... I didn't really reply but must've looked uncomfortable and he said "I'm sorry! No more talk about your H unless you bring it up." and changed the subject. Not sure if he was just an extra perceptive person or it's that obvious, but thought it was interesting since he had SO little knowledge of any details.

Overall it felt so good. Some part of me feels a bit weak or escapist for this little trip, but those couple of things made me think about it a bit differently.

I've found in the past people tell me I'm being "so strong" when I feel the weakest.. and I look back on it and see their point.. so hope I'm tapping into something I don't even know I have, right now.