It is so funny you say that. It isn't wierd at all. I have thought the same thing I just feel so empty and I long to just even get a hug. My kids seem to sense that I need this and they are always hugging and holding me and that really helps me.
I know how you feel because I too have a husband that prior to being committed to the psychiatric hospital was going home to another woman every night. Hang in there. I have no advice because I am right where you are right now as far as I just don't know what to do.
M 32 H 39 SS 15, SD 12, S11, S9, D7, D6, D4 E/A 02/06 WAS 03/06 RH 05/06 On 07/07 told me he wants to leave again. On 08/11/07 Walked out again.
People say "When God closes a door he opens a window." They forget to tell you "It is hell in the hallway!"
the sad thing is, I want so badly to send him an e-mail. I want to ask him wtf does he want from me??? what does he expect? friendship? I am trying here to be understanding and empathetic and a whole host of things for him, why can't he understand that I can't be his friend while he goes home to her every day.
Maybe you should leave it at the "its our 10th anniversary and you're in bed with another woman" for today, and hit him up with those questions on another day.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
oh Morgan I wish I could give you a hug. I'm not a guy but I bet I smell better
He is tromping ALL over your boundaries, girl. How dare he expect you to act or feel ANYTHING. Have you read any of the Boundaries series? It has helped me in much more than just my M sitch - apparently I'm pretty good at letting just about everyone walk all over me.
Anyway, you done good. Really. Tomorrow is not your anniversary! woohooo! Only 4 hours left....
Me (36) H (42) M (12) S-8 D-5 SS-18 D Day (PA) 12/02 S 10/03 R 1/03 S again 9/07 I choose Joy.
thanks all. reflecting back, I did ask what he wanted from me...calmly, sincerely. he rolled his eyes and said nothing. which, you all will be proud to know, I did not get bitchy or snarky about...practically had to bite my tongue off in the process.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Morgan-- if you are up for it, you can call me tonight. I cannot believe how our sitches mirror each other is SO many ways... do you still have my cell? 9949923
Please know that I have been thinking about you.......
Morgan, checking in on you. From the sounds of it, H wanted to get into it with you tonight. Yes, you didn't have to respond to him about how this day was hard for you. The WAS always turns things around about they feel. He may not like that you are hurting but to him, it is nothing in comparison to what he feels. That is why the LBS should try at all costs to not bait the WAS. I think you sort of wanted him to know that you were doing as well as could be expected today and that is understandable. When things started to go south and you went downstairs, H followed to get into it. I know how hard it is to not take the bait. Like detachment, it just takes time and you'll not only resist the urge but not even be remotely tempted. Give yourself hugs. You made it through the hard part of the day. Have a nice glass of wine or beer, and settle in to watch the Sox. (then cross your fingers) Thinking of you...
Me: 41 H: 42 Married: 13Y, together 24 Kids: S11, S9, D6 Bomb: 7/11/06, now piecing
Big hugs MOrgs.....lots I want to say but I have to go to a meeting.
Breathe...
next time he is an ass, repeat this to yourself. "I have warm personal regard for [name] at all times" I'll explain a bit more later.....It's from the book Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody and it sounds like what he was doing was "emotionally bombing" you to create some form of connection, no matter how icky.
Morgan, Honey, I'm so sorry you had to put up with your H being such an insensitive ass. Even after you forwarned him and kept everything kosher, he had to go and pick a fight. Damn him. I'm so mad at him. Sorry, but I am.
Hugs to you Morgan. You handled everything very well. Tomorrow will be better. Take care of yourself.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Love addiction--that sums up how I am feeling and responding when it is bad...
Hence, my cold turkey.
Stay in the now, morgan. Don't think back, don't think forward. Even what will be by tomorrow. Not in the next hour. Just now.
You are not hungry. You are not cold. You have a beautiful, safe house. You have the most precious children sleeping safe in their beds. You have food in the fridge, and more available. You have enough money. You have many irl friends. You have many friends here, who you may not have ever met in person, but who care about you very much. You have your family. You have a miraculous season to enjoy, with all of the perfect temps and quilts of wild colors over the mountains. You are blessed and fortunate to have been born and raised in an area of the world and in a social setting that affords you all of these gifts. You have your health. You have your heart, able to feel every range of emotion possible, some even simultaneously.
You have yourself--a beautiful, strong, loving, caring, warm, funny, reflective, introspective, loyal, committed, decent, generous, positive, deserving person. That is something that no one, NO one, can ever take away from you. Be gentle with yourself.
