MTN !! thanks so much for your answer....you got it !! THANKS !
I'm sorry that your H is being so hard and that his ow is such a cow ! I can so imagine how we want our kids to be loved and not feel they are out with the wicked stepmother !
You are amazing - and where can we all go and find such a wonderful NEW GUY (wink) hahah !!!!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Cinders..so funny..It took me awhile but I got it!! LOL
Angelica..My heasrt can get hardened at times, trust me..However, I refuse to be one of the divorce's who spends her life being angry..I will not do that..I don't want to hate XH, either..This all was meant to be and some where, some time, he will realize that too..
Well, he is definetly depressed. That is the cycle. Usually it goes from getting along with me, get back with OW and fight with me, they break up, he gets depressed and comes sniffing around here..
I got that text from him telling me to f-off a few days ago and Friday he sends me a text that he would love to see the kids if I needed a hand with them this weekend to let him know..that waws last night..I almost fell over..I get a text from him at 10:40 saying he will be working all weekend and has no plans other than that.
The kids get texts today..He contacted them four or five times..NEVER DOES THAT..Texts my D10 that he is at the beach ALONE collecting his thoughts..
Out of the blue..send her that at 5 p.m. today.
He is trying to get attention..
Is it bad to say I still feel bad for the sap?
I am not talking to him, though, after his nasty texts..
Oh, I have good news!! BTW..
My XH took the entire tax return from 2005 and pocketed it wihtout telling me..I was supposed to get half but he told me now way..
Well, I had stuff with the IRS anyway about my 2006 return so I told them what happend..they told me to fax my divorce decree to them and they would review it..
They awarded me half..3K!!
YAY FOR ME!
Now, I can pay off my lawyer..sigh..
Well, who cares..It is still more money than I had..And I feel vindicated because I went ahead with it after XH's bullying..
Got to go..New Guy waiting here on the couch ..time to get cozy.
All is well with the kids..All if fine with me..Had a great class today..Cat is happy..
As for XH..He made sure he text me and let me know he was on a day trip with his mom yesterday. Now, let me tell you, the last time he spent the day with his mom was probably on our wedding day 15 years ago. She left him when his parents divorced..she took his sister, XH stayed with alcoholic dad, evil wicked stepmom, step brother, brother and half sister..
Phew..that made me tired just typing it.
I think he he has contacted all of us around 8 times this weekend..His tail between his legs..He asked to speak with me last night when D was on the phone with him which was weird. (remember, less than a week ago he told me to f-myself..nice..)
We spoke.I was nice (as usual and he wanted to chit chat. I asked him how his day was..small talk..but I knew I needed to keep it simple..He was at his mom's and I made sure I told him to say hi to her from us..I haven't spoken to her in 3 years.
While I am on the phone with him my S10 comes downstairs cracking up that my old boyfriend, who is now my friend, called his cell phone by mistake to talk to me (it used to be mine)
So, I am on the phone with XH and S comes screaming downstairs laughing about my friend on the phone..Kids love this guy..he is a nut..and actor from L.A. and is utterly a kid himself but soo funny..
We had to switch phones..I am sure XH got a kick out of that..He knows this guy and was always jealous..
So, me being me felt bad..XH all sullen on the phone while old BF laughing up a storm on my old cell.
XH picking kids up tonight..(not his night but we are swapping since he will be out of town, yet again on Wed)
I am flexible..He is happy.
He texts me AGAIN today to tell me when he will come. (which I already knew) but made sure he told me he had an appt from 5 - 6..(and mentioned the town)
Well, this is where he goes to therapy..
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
He is all over the place..nice, angry, pathetic, depressed, nice angry, and so on..
I have learned to simply pretend he is being normal and speak to him that way..( I do not react to whatever mood he is in anymore..)
So, today he is nice-depressed..
The way weird part is that he is spending time with his mom..They go head to head on EVERYTHING..my head would spin if they were getting along or not..She is QUEEN narccisist.
Ironically, his dad left his mom..Pretty much the exact same way XH left me..In the dust..No warning..for his stewardess he was an airline pilot (XH left me for secretary.)
I do have to say I am sure his mom gave him an earful if he was all down in the dumps..She was so pissed when he left here..it was the nicest she had ever beent to me..It was like I was part of the "club" to her..The club of LBS..
Whatever..
The good news is that I have the night off!
Date night with New Guy...Sleep late tomorrow as I don't have to work and I don't have to get up with the kids..
yay!
Okay..off I go to get ready for the herd of kids to come home from school..
IF I HEAR ONE MORE TIME ABOUT THE RAT PUTTING HER TWO CENTS IN ABOUT WHAT MY DAUGHTER EATS I AM GOING TO BLOW!!
Evidently, the Rat has made it her "project" to try to get my daughter eating "right". My D is going through the typical preteen phase that little girls go through. She still has a little baby fat but looks GREAT! I mean..GREAT! She dances four hours a week and other activities. And this piece of crap chick is CONSTANTLY up her butt about what to eat. THe latest is I hear that my D is NOT ALLOWED to get dessert when they all go out to dinner but THEY CAN..the rest of the clan..XH, Rat, her son, my S13.
I have yet to confront her..I have yet to tell her to BACK OFF..I am keeping it all inside but when my D came home tonight and told me how the Rat treated her when XH took them all out to eat, I almost lost it..
My D is at the most impressionable age..My XH is the biggest jerk as he reads playboys, comments about boob jobs in front of kids, etc. My D is practically PROGRAMMED to want to look like barbie doll.
As for the RAt, she is the one obsessed with food. She has gained over 25 pounds since hooking up with XH aka her Sugar Daddy. She CONSTANTLY speaks about food to the kids.
I have had enough..
I haven't done anything yet as I need to think about it. But if this chick thinks she will play with my daughters head again, she can think again..
Any suggestions?
Oh, btw..my XH text messaged me WHILE I WAS IN COUNSELING SESSION that he wants to go see my counselor with me..to deal with coparenting issues..
WTF?
Oh, you mean the coparenting issues that his gilfriend changed in front of my kids and he thinks that is okay..
And when I confront him he tells me to go f**k myself..
ANd now I am going to sit in a room while he gets to have my undivided attention for an hour?
I have learned by now that he is up to something when he pulls stunts like this. He wants to try to convince my T of something but I haven't got the slightest clue.
But I tell you what, I am not looking forward to sitting next to him on the couch while he tries to justify all the crap he has pulled.
When he gets his OWN T and it works, I will sit down with him.
Can u tell I am mad?
The last time I spoke with him he told me f- you..
Now he wants to go to counseling and his nasty ass girlfriend is giving my daughter diesting tips..
Can you get a therapist to sign a statement that Rat's behavior wrt D's diet is harmful to D, and that it is recommended that XH can only see D (and S for that matter) without Rat around. Then can you take that back to your L? Lotta effort, I know, but maybe worth it.
Alternatively, how about the kill 'em with kindness approach. ADvise D that Rat's obsession may have more to do with her own weight gain, and let's just be really nice to Rat because she's clearly insecure.
So those are my two, really different cents worth!
I always like taking the high road and the bigger person route. It has always worked for me so I agree, A.H.
W.L. I need more stuff on the Rat to get a restraining order so I am going to my T tomorrow with XH.
Yup, XH suggested this for tomorrow. This should be interesting.
I am not overly hopeful nor pessimistic. I am going to listen to what XH has to say and then I will talk about my concerns with the Rat, the fiasco about threatening to take the kids away without my persmission, etc. However, it is very important to me not to make this a gripe session, either. I need to remain postiive and make sure I let my C do the talking, too. My C knows the deal and what I think of the Rat, etc. He will remain even-keeled but let XH know that the Rat has been nothing but a negative impact on the kids. Coming from my C will be better if the C chooses that route.
Not sure what my C will do but he is a wonderful man and I trust his judgement.
All I want are more tools on how to deal with Xh and the kids. I want to make sure these kids feel loved, secure and safe.
So, my appt with C with XH is tomorrow.
I haven't sat on a couch with XH since pre-divorce..Kind of giving me the "heebie jeebies'"
Went to C with XH. It was like the XH show. He brought and ARSENAL of stuff to discuss with the T. It was kind of funny. It was all about how when I don't do "what he wants" and how I don't trust him..I listened..I even cried. He still intimidates the living hell out of me.
We discussed the OW. I said to him that when the two of you are around the kids, you make some poor decisions based on the emotional drama the two of you create. I told him that I don't want the kids around that.
I don't have much time but I was very emotional. It was hard to sit in an office and still see how cocky he is and so much the same..Full of himself and so satisified to see me get nervous, even cry. I don't know what he wants from me, I really don't.
I did tell him I didn't like it when OW comes up to the house when he gets the kids and prances all around. Taking her dog out, talking to the neighbors..playing with her kids on the lawn. I said there is no humility at all.
So what does he do..
I look outside yesterday at the time he is supposed to get the kids for the night..
His mom was outside.. THe Rat was there.. The Rat was there WITH HER NEW DOGDGE DART or whatever the f it was..Sorry..it didn't impress me..
SO, what I told my XH about not wanting "fiascos'" at pickup really worked, huh?
He is a sick ticket.
So what did I do?
I made sure I looked as good as a rock star and went out and greeted his mom whom I haven't seen in two years..Fake smile Fake smile..how are you..fake back pat..lol
New Guy pulls up..OMG you should have seen his face..the poor guy was working on my chimney and had to go to his parents house to get tar remover..in the span of ten minutes since he left..the circus started..
The rat even had her piece of tin car blocking the driveway! She had to go back it up..
New Guy was great..walked right up to XH's mom and shook her hand..My XMIL looked like she was going to pass out she was so nervous..plus, New Guy isn't too hard on the eyes, either..
wink wink
XH didn't even look at me. The Rat snarled her way back in the stupid car because I looked so not rattled..Not phased..
Plan backfired..oh well..
So, now we have another session on Tuesday..Now I know what NOT TO TELL him..Anything I say to him that admits my vulnerablity will be used against me when he is in evil man mode, just like yesterday..
Oh, btw..yesterday was my 15th Anniversary..
Before all that crap went down last night..I got a text from XH Happy 15th Anniversary..
I forgot to add that the Dodge Dart was a gift from XH to OW.
So, after we went to T and I told him I would prefer the pickups to be low key, especially for the kids sake, he brings OW and her new car..
Nice.
As for me..I am fine..
I was on medication to quit smoking (quit a few years ago and just weaned myself off - Welbutrin) I can honestly say I haven't slept this good in YEARS!
My T told me the Welbutrin may have caused me to have restless nights sleep and it had. I didn't realize how poorly I was sleeping until I watched Oprah the other day. She had some woman on about menopause and they discussed sleep issues.
I realized I was waking up tired and living off of caffeine during the day..I was drinking coffee as late at 3 p.m. and it was affecting my sleep, too.
So, I quit doing that and went off the meds and my gosh..I am sleeping like a baby! I am not tired waking up..It feels great.
I am still having those stupid dreams about title waves, though..ugh..but the best part is that I am RIDING THEM!!
How is that for Freudian?? lol
As for XH and the Rat..I could give a rat's a** what they are up to..no pun intended..They seem so bored and so obsessed with what is going on over here that they are pathetic. I am the lucky one..I have the house, the kids, a new man, a new life..
So, when I journal all of these nuttso acts XH does I hope it doesn't wig anyone out. It's almost as though I expect it..It has been happening for the better part of my M and I didn't realize it.. Now he is so predictable. Like a bratty teenager or a beligerant dog that pees on the carpet when you don't pay attention to him!
Off I go to go shopping for my mom. It's her 66th bday today and I want to spoil the you know what out of her for her special day. She has been unbelieveable with the kids and myself through all this b.s. and she needs to be treated like queen for a day..to say the least.
and he wanted to chit chat. I asked him how his day was..small talk..but I knew I needed to keep it simple..He was at his mom's and I made sure I told him to say hi to her from us..I haven't spoken to her in 3 years.
