Now I've done it.... again #4?

[nephartiti]

Sara, that's how I would usually handle it. Just book it. I'm afraid of falling into old patterns. I fear him saying I am too controlling. However, he DID say he would go in November. So, I could take him at his word. I would just prefer he step up a bit more and oick the date. Maybe that is asking too much.

789, you are an inspiration, you really are. I know things will get better for you. Did you two ever make it to Retro. I think you mentioned October for you?

[789]

I don't think he will step it up that quick for you, but you know him better. If I were you I would just do it in November when he said he would go.

No, we didn't make it, my work schedule screwed it up for us, we do still plan on going.

[789]

So are there any plans in the works for a west coast meet-up any time soon?

[Sara]

I agree. He said November. I would take that as permission to book it. By the way, I don't think there's anywhere the weekends are more than bi-monthly. Unless you're looking at several different cities, there shouldn't be more than one possible weekend in November.

[nephartiti]

WE are in LA area. There are other cities that aren't too far away. Actually, the only LA dates are all in Spanish, which won't work for me. Only H would understand what was going on.


OK, then I will book. Keep your fingers crossed.

789, you'll get there. I know you will.

Yes! I want to put together a meet up. I wasn't sure if we should wait til after the holidays. What do you think, 789?

[789]

I shall keep my fingers crossed for you.

I am up for either before or after, yeah I know, I am easy. Morgan I think said she wanted to come out, teach her for living in the cold part of the country.

[nephartiti]

OK, I'll post something in the just for fun forum and see who we can round up. Heck, we can do one before and after. We can do one quarterly!

[nephartiti]

Well, I am proud of myself. I had another destructive stalker stake out planned for this morning and I cancelled. I don't know why I am so masochistic that I want to continue with these darn things, but I didn't do it today.

I haven't heard from H since he called for the bank password so he could empty the account for his new apartment (Tuesday afternoon). Wonder if he really was just buttering me up.

I'm a little frustrated. I've been thinking (I know, but bare with me). He comes over here and acts like he is doing me some big favor by forgiving ME for my shortcomings and considering coming home. Am I missing something here? Shouldn't he be trying to get back into my good graces? I'm supposed to just be grateful for what he is willing to dish out? A couple hours a week while he constantly checks his watch? And this is while he's on vacation. What will happen when he goes back to work? He goes back in November and then she will be on vacation. I am supposed to just let him come and go as he pleases?

That's just not sitting well with me right now. My kids deserve a full time dad. I deserve a full time husband.

I'm not going to go off on him. At least, I'm not planning on it. I just had to get it out. I know this will take time. I know berating him won't bring him back. It will make him want to come even less. I just know he wants perfection without kids' temper tantrums, spilled juice, or PMS. We will never meet his expectations.

Tori:

I am not your senorita
I am not from your tribe
in the garden I did no crime
I am not your senorita
I am not from your tribe
if you want inside her well,
boy you better make her rasberry swirl

things are getting desperate
when all the boys can't be men
everybody knows I'm her friend
everybody knows I'm her man

I am not your senorita
I don't aim so high
in my heart I did no crime (Rasberry Swirl)

[nephartiti]

Well, I guess I'm in the dark again...waiting.

[Gingersnap]

He comes over here and acts like he is doing me some big favor by forgiving ME for my shortcomings and considering coming home. Am I missing something here? Shouldn't he be trying to get back into my good graces? I'm supposed to just be grateful for what he is willing to dish out? A couple hours a week while he constantly checks his watch? And this is while he's on vacation. What will happen when he goes back to work? He goes back in November and then she will be on vacation. I am supposed to just let him come and go as he pleases?

how'd you get in my head like that? Good grief these are the same exact questions I ask myself almost every day. How is it that the whole sitch gets turned around and it's about US being ok and them cutting us some slack and coming back home?

I mean, of course we want them home, or we wouldn't be DB'ing. But at what cost? There HAS to be an effort, a sincere, deeply felt effort to change and work on the M. I don't see that in my H...and reading your sitch I don't see it in yours.

Wish I had the answer for you.