It’s been a while since I’ve been on these boards, so let me give a brief update. W and I have been separated for nine months now and it’s been quite a roller coaster ride. I believe that she is still involved with OM, but has not filed for divorce yet. She claims that she has no good option. She is afraid to pull the trigger on divorce, but does not feel ready to work on the marriage. When pushed, she says that it seems unlikely that we can work it out and that divorce seems like the most likely outcome, but that she is still not sure. (Will she ever be sure?) It took me six months to get myself together enough to effectively DB and use LRT. In August, things started to improve. She started saying “I love you” again, we started going out the dinner just the two of us, staying in the house together most of the time, and even shared some intimacy. But then, one day about a month ago, on her way home from her counselor, she called and said that we needed to go back to being separated. Buzz kill. One of us needed to pack a bag and go to the apartment tonight. (In order to impact our kids the least, we have a house and an apartment and every couple of days we switch places. That way the kids are always in the house. Since then, I have been good about stopping my pursuing behaviors; saying “I love you”, trying to kiss her, frequently sending loving texts, buying her flowers, and following her around trying to talk about our relationship. We only talk about logistics. With three young boys, there are a lot of logistics. Most importantly, I’ve been trying to GAL. I have reconnected with some male friends that I had lost contact with, started working out more, and generally trying to shift my focus from trying to get her back to enjoying life without her.
Now when I am around her, I think that I am more confident and less clingy. I believe that she is starting to notice this change as she has started to ask me things like “How are you doing?” and “How is work going?” So far, I have been able to resist bringing up our relationship or asking her to dinner. It’s really hard. When I see her, I long for her. But, I know that she needs to make the next move. I plan on sticking with this strategy through the end of the year.
Thoughts?
Me-46;W-42 Together 23 yrs Married 16 S11 S8 S6 02/10/03 Her 1st affair 10/01/06 Sep Bomb 01/01/07 Sep Begins 03/09/07 Her 2nd affair
