There and Back, # 9

[SallyM]

thanks, mark.

I remember your present for your wife. didn't realize she told you to take it back. wow, what a jerk. but you tried. at least you tried. you have been such a rock, I really admire all that you have done to try to save your marriage. you are yet another man who reassures me that not all men are lying, cheating, jerks.

I looked at anniversary cards after we talked about it over on your own thread last month and wow, hard to look at all the cards about love and support and such, knowing how my marriage turned out. that's when I found the "troubled relationship" cards. that makes me sad, that there are so many situations out there like ours that hallmark has a category for it.

(holy crap, phone just started ringing and the caller id is singing that my sister is calling. wow. wtf.

I have 2 sisters...one, who was the first person I called when I found out H was having an affair. she has seen me thru a lot, been there in ways that were so supportive I don't know what I would have done without her. my other sister I told about a month later...she's very judgemental, wasn't sure I wanted anyone to know about H's affair at that point, etc. anyway, after spending the summer calling her and trying to just be friendly, and getting nothing in response...I'm talking one word answers to anything I asked about her life, no iquiries even as to my kids and what they were up to, I finally decided to just stop calling. this has nothing to do with the affair, or me telling my younger sister first, its been a pretty rocky relationship since my parents brought me home from the hospital as an infant...she never quite recovered lsing her only child status. anyway, its been about 2 months and I have never heard from her, and wow, she just called.

no, I didn't pick up. didn't feel like it. don't really feel like talking to anyone I know irl today, to be honest. just enjoying hanging out with my kids).

but I digress....just got back from a looooong walk with the kids. I live in a huge neighborhood and we walked all over admiring all the fall/halloween decorations. was fun. again, seems like keeping busy and spending time with my kids is what is really helping me today. I'm still doing good.

2 hours till H gets here. definitely heading out to run some errands...target hasn't seen me in a while, I hear it calling. always something needed there. and will keep me out of h's way.

I'd just like to not completely break down in front of him tonight. that's my goal. if I feel like I'm going to, I'm going to try to remember Care using the, "I need x right now" and hope that helps both diffuse my emotions and whatever is going on.

I will be open to anything he has to say. and I'll try to accept the fact that that might be nothing at all. it will hurt either way.