He's on Match.com

[Dom R]

well, wow.

That's a whole different view point.

Regarding not meeting his emotional needs- he won't let me.

yeah, i know right where you're sitting in that one, reguarding time and activities together.

Except that he IS letting you meet those ones. You get to spend a whole lot of time with your husband.
"glass is half full" rather than half empty, and all that.
you have things WAY better than many folks (including me!) in that arena.

Here's a blurb from his profile: Looking to meet attractive single woman who loves the night life, the outdoors, music and laughter. I really like to be around others and interact but I also like time together to explore this beautiful state and be intimate.
The intimate things just makes me sick. SICK. I like the night life, I was BEGGING to go camping, I love concerts and I LOVE to laugh. I have made all sorts of suggestions to go to various places and spend the night, etc.

yeah. know where you are coming from there. It's pretty disgusting when a married man says all that.

Looking at YOU again, and your past actions, as they relate to what he put up on match.com:

First off... "too much begging", o course.

[going by his "bold" thing, it should have probably been less begging, and more demanding, btw]


Then secondly...



I hope you dont get all hostile about this at me. I have vague deja vu recollections of some woman going off the deep end when I said this sort of thing before.

I'm glad you quoted that, because it screams that a major, major factor in all this, appears to be: your appearance.

it is a huge red flag, that he puts as his very first adjective for what he is looking for, as: attractive.
That incredibly underscores what I was merely "guessing" at, previously, about his unmet emotional needs from you. Now it's not just a guess, it's pretty much a proven thing.
And it could well be his "#1 out of 5" need, on the marriagebuilders scale. "attractive spouse".


My guess is that he doesnt think it's going to change, so I think perhaps he's toying with the idea of whether he wants to "settle" for you or not.

So... are you going to change it, in order to better meet his "emotional needs"?
Are you going to commit to "hit the gym" reguarly?
(and possibly dress style yourself differently?)

Why am I bothering to try? WHY???

Because, when you dont hate him.. you still love him.
and maybe even when you hate him, too.

-------------

side comment, about me, but you might find motivating;
I wouldnt say that "attractive spouse" is even close to my #1 need... but it is certainly something that means something to me. I bugged my wife about it for years, before I finally gave up.
[eg: i like long hair.. she chopped hers, after 2 weeks of being married. ???!]

Interestingly, now that she's no longer doing it "for me".. she has chosen to grow her hair longer (just like I always kept begging her to), and have it styled more, and stuff like that...
And it makes her even more attractive to me. sigh....

So... never underestimate how powerful that sort of thing can be, to your husband.