You're in a really hurry. Can you please be honest with me? Is there someone else? Listen I know that you had an emotional affair with Seth. I have seen all of the signs, if you disagree Im sorry but it stated everything that you did in the book. Have you even opened the book I got you? Under the chaper about infidelity, you may want to give that a look...
No, don't send any of the part I quoted. It serves no purpose and she wouldn't tell you honestly anyway. I'll just tell you what she'll say and then you won't have to ask. She'll say, "it has nothing to do with Seth. I just don't want to be with you anymore. No, I didn't read the book. I don't want to bust the divorce."
Why would you give her the book? You might as well have just told her everything you intend to do (LRT, GAL, etc) and that way she can presume that it's all a ruse to get her back.
I was saying that your wife will see it as controlling. It doesn't matter what your perception is...only hers.
Quote:
I just know that my W is that kind of person, once she is finished with you she will not want anything to do with you.
She is saying she's finished with you now. It doesn't matter if you are officially divorced or not.
You don't know her as well as you think. Did you see this coming? Did you know she would have an EA? Did you see her asking for divorce? Then how do you know she won't try again with you in the future if you're able to show that you are worth consideration? Me
Thanks for the advise Just. I will not send the part you quoted. I gave her the book so that she can see that we are not the only one with marriage problems, that other couples have been through alot worse than us and they worked it out. But a part of knew that she wouldnt read it. I just wanted her to know that I am serious about changing...I didnt think, I just reacted.. You're probably right about her lieing about the OP or saying exactly what you said. Since you said that she is more than likely viewing me as controlling the situation by not signing your probably right again. I'm scared and dont want to lose her. I can not let her go just yet. Thank you very much for the advise.
Of course you are scared and don't want to let go. You can be scared and you can hold on, but you can't let her know that. You have to have the appearance of someone that would prefer to be with her, but can easily survive without her.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Of course you are scared and don't want to let go. You can be scared and you can hold on, but you can't let her know that. You have to have the appearance of someone that would prefer to be with her, but can easily survive without her.
I have been trying to appear that I can and have been surviving with out her. But it's like everything I see her name or hear your voice My heart melts. How can I hold on to something that I am strongly against and something that she wants so bad?? Sometimes I feel like I should just give up, give up on all of my hard work, my dream that I had for us, Sometimes I feel like i'm holding onto false hope. Sometimes I feel like asking her if we could just do a legal seperation instead of divorce incase sometime in the future she would like to work on us. okay, when she asked me how long I will take to sign them I said what lissie told me to say. Then she replied "That could take a long time, and I don't' want to wait that long. Its like im trapped even more now". How do I answer or reply to that???
Wow Mwel she is tough. I am not sure how to respond to that. You could say something to
I am sorry that you feel that way but I do need some time on this and I hope that you can give that to me as I have given to you. I am in no way trying to trap you however I feel as if you are pressuring me to sign something that I am not ready to sign yet. I hope you can understand.
Would that work for you to reply back? What do you think?
Wow Mwel she is tough. I am not sure how to respond to that. You could say something to
I am sorry that you feel that way but I do need some time on this and I hope that you can give that to me as I have given to you. I am in no way trying to trap you however I feel as if you are pressuring me to sign something that I am not ready to sign yet. I hope you can understand.
Would that work for you to reply back? What do you think?
WOW, you are to good Lissie! Umm I can try something like that and I will let you know what she says. I can not thank you enough. Though we have never meet I think of you as one of my friends..thank you so much for the help.
Here is what she said...."I don't know how much time I can give you, I mean if one person wants out I think the other person should respect that and allow it to happen. I mean you can deal with the fact of it being over once the papers are signed. I am not going to change my mind and I really don't want to make this go to court but I will if I have to."
As I said, quit stalling. She knows you don't want a divorce, but she doesn't care. You aren't going to win her back by sitting on the papers and waiting for a miraculous reconciliation. You might not realize this, but you are actually still pushing her further away. I didn't fight at all...didn't even get a lawyer. We just talked it through, her lawyer wrote it up, and just like that...divorced. Reconciliation after that is kind of like starting with a clean slate....old marriage is dead and buried so you can later officially start with a brand new one (if it's going to happen). I personally would say something like, "I've thought it over. It isn't what I want, but I do want you to be happy, even if it is without me, so I'll sign the papers. I'm sorry that things came to this...I wish it could have been different." And I wouldn't say anything about, "I'll always love you", because you don't know that...and more than likely (if you don't get back together) you won't always love her. Eventually, you might not even like her.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
