Remember, the people here are really trying to help you. I'm reading a lot of hostility. Is any of this coming across to your XW? If so, that's reason enough for her to run.
Again, my xh has all these same issues. Trust me, I've been there. The weird conversations, the PTSD symptoms. I've had nights where we had to jump through hoops so he'd feel safe enough just to close his eyes. Oftentimes that means I'd have to go back to my place with the baby at 2am because he couldn't sleep knowing someone else was in his place.
It's not up to you to be her protector. Just like it's not up to me. While I do deeply understand my xh and have a lot of patience for it (and suspect it's beneath some, but not all of our R problems) I do not believe I am the only person for him. That's a scary statement to make. It sounds very close to "No one else will love you like I do." Which should set off all kinds of red flags.
Forget about the job problems. (Hey, I'm in IT, too. I know how that goes!) Forget about her issues, and quit trying to diagnose and protect her. It's not up to you. Okay?
Think about this (as others have said) from the outside. If you don't want to look like a schmuck, then don't do things that will give that impression.
There are no mitigating circumstances, as you've put it. We all get this back and forth. So no more using that as an excuse.
That said...what in the world were you doing in her bathroom??? Bad, bad idea for someone with a restraining order!! Please be more careful. If not for you, then for your kids! You could wind up in much more serious legal trouble!
Okay. Now. You are making progress. Stay off her property, stay out of her house. Stick with the listening and validating. And please understand that you can't make her come back, you can't convince her of it. What you can do is work on yourself and your own issues of neediness. Got it?
