Limboland part 4

[bookpusher]

Rollercoaster time! I blew it royally yesterday. I knew DD was having difficulty but I "found" an online diary in which she describes drinking and getting high. Good part is that she knew it was wrong and wants to leave it. When I found the diary, I went ballistic. It hit me like the day H left. I tried calling my C and DD's C. No response. I tried a couple of friends. No one home. Finally, I called H and left a message (of course, he didn't pick up) saying found out DD is into drugs and alcohol. Nothing else. Still reeling, I remembered DD's C saying something about H's friends so I called one. He spoke a long time with me. H has a GF (big surprise ...NOT), doesn't hang around too much with any of the old friends, maybe once a month or so. May be drinking but not drugs and the friend tried talking me into divorce and dumping him (he also agreed that H is in crisis). I cried on him like it was the day H left. I went to work and on the way there I called H back and left a message saying "I apologize for bothering you. I know you don't want anything to do with DD by your actions and I was dragging you into it. I will handle it" At work DD's C called. She has set up a counseling appointment for H today (DD and I meet with her tomorrow). She also said not to talk to DD yet about the diary.

H is going to C!!!!!!! I really don't know how I feel about it. Relief- maybe something will happen now. Scared - something will happen now.

DD called and she quit her job. When I checked the online diary that night, I found out she had "partyed" in the parking lot after. DD was in a good mood but I was in a rotten one. The drive home was snow/rain plus the other stress. The room she was in was sweet perfumy smelling. The short of it was I asked a couple of questions that I knew the answers to from the diary and she lied to me. I didn't tell her that I knew she was lying since the C wants to help deal with it but DD could tell I was ballastic but I did tell her that her pupils were very large. She said her usual "they are always that way" and accused me of not trusting her and asked what she needed to prove trust. I said get you grades up and don't lie to me. We went to bed mad, got up mad and I took her to school where I told her "I love you" as she stormed off. AGGGGHHHH

It's going to be a long road and I don't know if I can handle it but I will have to.