Now I've done it.... again #4?

[nephartiti]

Well, I am proud of myself. I had another destructive stalker stake out planned for this morning and I cancelled. I don't know why I am so masochistic that I want to continue with these darn things, but I didn't do it today.

I haven't heard from H since he called for the bank password so he could empty the account for his new apartment (Tuesday afternoon). Wonder if he really was just buttering me up.

I'm a little frustrated. I've been thinking (I know, but bare with me). He comes over here and acts like he is doing me some big favor by forgiving ME for my shortcomings and considering coming home. Am I missing something here? Shouldn't he be trying to get back into my good graces? I'm supposed to just be grateful for what he is willing to dish out? A couple hours a week while he constantly checks his watch? And this is while he's on vacation. What will happen when he goes back to work? He goes back in November and then she will be on vacation. I am supposed to just let him come and go as he pleases?

That's just not sitting well with me right now. My kids deserve a full time dad. I deserve a full time husband.

I'm not going to go off on him. At least, I'm not planning on it. I just had to get it out. I know this will take time. I know berating him won't bring him back. It will make him want to come even less. I just know he wants perfection without kids' temper tantrums, spilled juice, or PMS. We will never meet his expectations.

Tori:

I am not your senorita
I am not from your tribe
in the garden I did no crime
I am not your senorita
I am not from your tribe
if you want inside her well,
boy you better make her rasberry swirl

things are getting desperate
when all the boys can't be men
everybody knows I'm her friend
everybody knows I'm her man

I am not your senorita
I don't aim so high
in my heart I did no crime (Rasberry Swirl)