muddled and angry: Puddle's third thread

[Puddle]

Good morning, everyone.

Hey Bill!

Do you think his wanting to be there until the kids are in bed is for them or to be around you more? Or both?

I think this is absolutely all about the kids. H can't seem to stay far enough away from me right now, even in the same house.

I havent had a chance to read your other posts much but hes a very confused man.

This is the one thing H claims he is not. I have my doubts.

so he's fleeing the unhappiness he's sees coming. That strikes me as negative instead of positive. And in the meantime, he's distressed and stressed out

Ditto this also! Doesn't seem logical, does it?

Yeah, this confuses me, too. I find I'm much happier, though, when I don't spend time wondering about it. "Yeah, weird, oh well" feels better than mulling it over, which never leads anywhere anyway.

You'll probably ease into something that works for both of you as time goes by.

I think you're right. No need to set everything up beforehand. We'll have time to figure out what works best. It may change, anyway.

Casey and NA: I don't want to fall into feeling that H is in my space too much. Our sitch is a bit different, in that this isn't about space or H working on anything: it's simply the first step out the door. I don't have any illusions (or any hope, I don't think) that H will change his mind and return.

So for me this is going to be all about finding something that works for me, space- and time-wise. As sunny says, we'll figure it out as we go.

H told me last night he's decided he doesn't want to share a space with anyone (no roommates), so he's back to looking at houses to rent. I'll be interested to hear how this plays out. It'll mean more money, certainly, and probably more distance, since he can't afford anything in our neighborhood. I'm trying to let that go, too, folding little origami thought swans and setting them free...

Hey CVA!

I locked up two threads in a row yesterday, including yours! Good work, Puddle. So yeah, she's interested, and according to her, she defines hot, especially when corralling kids. Unfortunately (or fortunately, maybe) Texas cancels the whole thing out for her.

I'll look forward to your new thread and reading the email you're writing to W about the house deal. You working on it?

Thanks, Nomo. I don't think the kids are too little (7-y-o, anyway) to understand that there are different kinds of love. And thanks for sending the stuff about your talk a while ago. Are you keeping this stuff, by the way? It'll make for some interesting archives someday.

H seems sure that someone who knows what we're like as a couple and as parents/family will be able to help us tailor the talk for our sitch, and maybe he's right. I don't see how that cancels out any of the things you've mentioned you said, but H seems to think they'll need less reassurance or something.

He told me the other night that his IC told him he thinks the kids are in a better position right now than many who've suffered through arguing, etc, but that it'll still have an impact on the kids. I was glad to know someone besides me had said that to him.

Hey ST! Thanks for posting.

And thanks for the reminder about the potential PA. I know it's a possibility, though I'm still doubtful it's happening. If it is, though, it won't change anything. I have no idea how I'll feel if I find out it is. I'm hoping for vaguely sad, the same feeling I had the other day when I saw the doc on his desktop with a woman's name and IM. I'm hoping if I do find out he's seeing someone, I'll be in such a good place with me that I'll hardly care!

And yes, thanks for the reminder about getting that PMA up! Today we're going to the park with our group of friends, then I have to prepare for the camping trip I'm going on with friends this weekend. I am sooo looking forward to that, even if we get rained on! I think the time away will be good for me. I've never spent a weekend away from the family doing something fun.

H went to get the dog last night and walked in while another couple was adopting it. Phew.

My guess is next week is the time we'll tell the kids and H will leave. I intend to be in a good place by then.

Last night the kids and I were snuggled in bed and I was reading one of the Little House books. We got to the part where the dog died, and I just cried my way right through it. You know how when you start to cry, you start crying about everything? There was some of that. I told myself, keep it together, you can cry later. I stumbled through, then fell asleep with the kids, and when I woke up at 10 I didn't feel like crying anymore.

Thanks, everyone, for all the support. Take care.