Hi SL- Sorry that you are here. I am not sure I have any advice for you since I am no expert. I believe MLC is all about depression. Everyone talks about MLC being about issues of mortality and re-evaluating one's life but I think it can also be about issues that the MLCer has had buried. They don't understand why they are feeling the way that they feel so they usually pick the person or people closest to them to take it out on. They come up with every excuse they can to justify why it is about you. Afterall, if they figured out it was about them, they would deal with it and move on and be mentally healthy. They think if they can change their life, then they can be happy...but eventually most start to figure out where ever they go, there they are.
As far as the female perspective goes, I don't think her excuse of no chemistry is unusual...it is just an excuse. My H told me our sex life was mechanical and then later told me that if sex could fix things, we would have no problems. They find what they can to justify their unhappiness with us. Anybody who expects constant fireworks after 25 years together is delusional...not to mention, what effort has she made to put passion in your R? I love how MLCers always make themselves out to be the victim of the circumstances and that someone else somehow should have been able to fix it.
Sounds like you are handling things well. As long as you are letting her know that you are there for her in a non-pressuring way and you are working on yourself, I don't know if there is much else you can do but be patient (easier said then done for me...just look at my thread) and learn as much about MLC as you can. Also, post here to vent or bounce ideas around.
