I don't know if you'll understand this. I suspect you will. My deployment to Iraq has not made me happy, per se, but has given me such a sense of inner peace and satisfaction because after 26 years in the military, I've slayed the dragon in terms of "can I do this if I get called". Having served for 26 years, and always have "ridden the bench", especially after 9/11, I have fulfilled such a big part of who I am by being here. It has literally gnawed at me since 1981. Can I do it? Will I get a chance to do it? I have served my country when others did not, could not or would not. This has filled a large void in me that NO ONE can take away from me. It has instilled me with a lot of confidence in other areas (I hope, transferable when I get home)
If all else fails, I have taken care of such a large piece of ME, that I can move on in other directions I believe. If you've never been in the military, you can't understand it, I guess.
Making me happy when I get home? If it doesn't work, and I'm accepting it more readily each day that it won't, I'll be like the rest of you guys: struggling to find a new home, try to heal myself and the open wound of not living with my kids 24/7, and trying to make myself whole and attractive again, so I can perhaps find love again some day. Since I am so much more at peace with myself, this will be somewhat easier than it might have been. I actually volunteered to deploy, because I knew it would be for ME. In my earlier posts, I said I was being considered to mobilize, but it was all at my own volunteer hand. It was so tough to pull myself out of my funk at home, and this has been so beneficial for me, I can't tell you. DB is all about looking out for you, and detaching (and looking after your kids, of course) financially, my family has not suffered. I am high ranking enough where the money is really good, and there's no place like the desert and a war zone to re-evaluate your life.
