well, here we go. 10 years ago today we stood in front of the altar of our church and vowed to love, honor, and cherish each other, forsaking all others, all the days of our lives. at one point in the ceremony our priest was supposed to tell us to join hands, but he laughed and said we hadn't let go of each other since meeting at the altar. and it was true. it was an incredibly personal ceremony, everything about it from the music to the communion bread (which my mom made). we still have people come up to us from time to time to tell us what a wonderful service it was. thankfully I won't be running into any of them today...wow, now that would be awkward.
anyway, so far so good. phase one, down. H called a little while ago while I was downstairs getting clothes for the kids so they answered the phone. I had to pass it to S3 (he refuses to take it from his b or s) and I talked last, as is customary. I was busy when he called, so probably sounded distracted. he asked what I was doing and said getting the kids dressed and pretty much that was that. he didn't say anything, and I was busy so got off the phone quickly. he actually sounded a little put off when I said, "okay, well, bye, talk to you later." guessing he expected me to say something about the day? who knows. I'm not going to try to figure it out. honestly I was a little weirded out because the thought that he woke up in some other woman's bed on our 10th anniversary just is so gross, and well, says it all, really. time to let him go, morgan. time to let him go. no, I'm not going to do anything today. but I think its helping on the detachment front.
I've done my ab tape, taken a shower, am just wearing jeans but am wearing a color shirt that looks good on me, so going to try to feel good about myself a bit.
going to do some reflecting after I drop the kids off for school, then when I get them I am going to spend the day with them, just celebrating the blessings that came out of the marriage. that is one thing that he can't take away from me.
so far so good, folks. going to process my emotions, allow them to come and accept them, but not get caught up in them. I'm going to be that lighthouse. actually, liking the idea of the lighthouse because that is really what I feel like today. I feel like I'm standing there while the waves are battering, but instead of a storm, the sea is nearly calm. I'm just shining my light around, picking out memories here and there. reflecting, but not getting caught up in them, if that makes sense. also looking at my life as it is now, not what it will be tomorrow because who the hell knows what it will be, but now, this moment.
anyway, that's my update.
Last edited by morgan; 10/18/0712:16 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
