OMG. My heart is pounding out of my chest. He's up on effin' Match.com.
My newly divorced girlfriend was talking about dating sites and was having me look at who some of her matches were. (I was logged in as her.)
I had a feeling he would be in there, so I did search and lo and behold, there he is. And one of the pics was from a trip that WE took. (Obviously I was not in the photo.)
He has been on within the past week. Yeah, that must be why we are dating exclusively "SO FAR"!!!!!!!!!!!
What he is looking for: 25-40 years old; someone who is slender and toned. (I'm 40 and not slender & toned. More towards the Curvy side)
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
OMG your title cracked me up. Yeah, I had a fit when I saw my H on eharmonymarriage!!! I was thinking does he want to save our marriage or propose to his other woman?
Hey, a lot of people are on Myspace, Eharmony, Match . I peeked and in order to peek they make you sign up. It does say you cannot be married, so technically he should not act single. That is like an obvious betrayal. But in his mind he is acting single and trying it out. Plus, it is like snooping so try to avoid it. Make a joke that you saw him and that you wish he would wait until after the divorce to solicit since people you know will see it. Maybe even your own kids' friends? Don't yel at him or be sneaky or judge. Just act as if he needs to think about the consequences. Maybe he thinks it is harmless? Everyone is doing it kind of thing. Really stupid.
I am so sorry about the age thing. Men marry younger and women marry richer after a divorce is the stereotypical saying. My H's OW is veeeerrry young and poor and dumb. That gets old real faST. Your H may being doing this because it is the MLC thing to do in our time. Singles abound on the internet. Internet affairs are still affairs so make sure he knows how you feel about it. Other than that, there is nothing you can do about controlling it. Maybe you may consider dating also? I would if I were not so chicken sh$$. Remember the pina colada song? The couple both put out ads looking for each other but they were both cheating?
My H and I used to joke that we were like that couple even before we started dating because we were so perfect for each other. If we wrote a personals ad, we could both answer it. nOt any more...
My ad would now say," Big beefy guy who never lies and makes 6 figures."
No, you don't have to dump him over this. This is not a deal breaker. You can save your marriage.
Last edited by mkultra; 10/18/0706:35 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
What really chaps my a$$ is that he is actively looking while sleeping with me and supposedly "dating" me. And now I *know* that he is looking- not just "open to whatever the universe brings him"! PUKE
He doesn't seem to be trying to figure ANYTHING out. Oh! and check this out -here is a quote from his profile: "I am currently single again after many years and would like to meet someone with similar interest that is not afraid to be active and little spontanoeus. I dont have any baggage and don't like to play games." (Bold added by me, of course.)
More "I tend to hang out with a crowd that is a little youger than me but have few close friends my age that I like to hook up with a lot." really?! and who the hell are those people?
I had been thinking that I should chill out about doing the lease--stall a bit. Now.. not so sure. Of course, nothing is technically different than it was 2 hours ago, except the scales have fallen from my eyes.
Edited to add that he does say he is separated where you would check a box (as opposed to divorced) so I guess that's good.....CRAP
Last edited by Agent99; 10/18/0706:49 AM.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
No, you don't have to dump him over this. This is not a deal breaker. You can save your marriage.
I don't know. He left with no one to go to. I don't know why he bothers to come to back me; oh, yes I do. It's because I comfort him, make him feel safe and loved. I give him great sex and I am his best friend-- a lot good that does me. He's just going to keep it up until he finds someone 'better' and then he'll throw me out like an old shoe.
His main statement ("Looking to hook up for new, fun and exciting experiences. Anything goes! Well almost anything.") I feel like copying and pasting that into an email and then saying "WOW! Me too!!" and nothing else. No reference to match, nothing.
Last edited by Agent99; 10/18/0706:57 AM.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
He did it himself-pics only he would have, his way of speaking, etc.
The "good news" is that he has been "active" within the past week (as opposed to 24 hours ago, or yesterday or 3 days ago). And about a week ago is when he got all weird and distant on me-Sunday/monday/tuesday we seemed to have reconnected.
Maybe I'll just keep this under my hat and see when he logs in again.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
ewwww. but honestly, agent99, he's been saying all along that he wanted to see what else was out that. as scummy as that is. and can I just say I have never been to those sites and not sure I ever will...seems like there are a lot of married guys on them. ick.
take care of yourself.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I'm sure you chin hit the floor when you saw his face pop up on match.com.......i know mine did when I saw my h's face on there!! It was really rather comical as he used a picture that was at least 15 years old! We had been seperated 8 months but only started going sorta NC for 4 months.
Myself and my sons girlfriend were flipping through profiles and BAM there he was (Saffie, don't read this)
I made up a profile. We got out the digital camera, I got all dressed up and cute took some glorious pictures and sent him a "wink", along with a note that said "OMG" I'm your perfect MATCH!! (we matched 20 out of 21) I said I even have your tools in the garage!! I then went on to offer some suggestions about his profile....like updating the pic and uhm being more enthusiastic towards life.
Needless to say, he did not find it as amusing as I did.
So nope.....don't put an add up!!
(on a side note tho....it was comical! a 15 year old picture jeeeeez! )
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Oh girl ((((Hugs)))) these bombs are definitely harmful to us LBSs. But in reality nothing has truly changed in your sitch, except that you may want to reevaluate your boundaries and the ML part.
At least you have a bit more info now....don't know if that helps you or not but in my sitch I'm going buts wondering if there is an OW. It wouldn't change what I'm doing a bit, but at least I'd have better knowledge of my enemy in this war, kwim?
HUGS
Me (36) H (42) M (12) S-8 D-5 SS-18 D Day (PA) 12/02 S 10/03 R 1/03 S again 9/07 I choose Joy.
I'm sure you chin hit the floor when you saw his face pop up on match.com.......i know mine did when I saw my h's face on there!! It was really rather comical as he used a picture that was at least 15 years old! We had been seperated 8 months but only started going sorta NC for 4 months.
(Saffie, don't read this)