Lets try thing again!!!!

[limbo]

Sandi,

Don't worry about the previous post, I don't take it badly! It is still a possibilty regardless of what he is doing right now and that is just the reality of the situation, and something that I am aware of, but don't really try and dwell on.
He actually decided to wait to do the conversion, and I don't mind, it has never been something I have asked him to did, or even hinted that I wanted him to do, it was totally his idea and choice.
It is a big undertaking to do it, and I totally understand him putting it off for now! And I don't see it as it means anything by him not doing it!

I had a very, very low day yesterday, and I guess its because of the anniversary being tomorrow, I find I am struggling alot with that, it certainly brings alot back, and even though I am trying not to dwell, its still there, and I am also finding myself getting angry with H because of the past year!
I am still trying to focus on the positive and not let this cloud me to badly!

I am going to get my hair cut tonight, so hopefully that will help!!

[saffie]

Anniversaries are really hard. They make you focus on things that maybe you would like to forget. My H and I now concentrate on making NEW memmories on those days to try and improve on history..

I hear you loud and clear on the pushing front...... I have pushed and tried and tested my H out time and time again since he recommitted. I think that I couldn't quite believe either him or that he was committed to US. Each time he has come up trumps and luckily for me I have not pushed him away. If it's any consolation / hope - 15 months on I am not pushing as much and things are getting easier. You do have to make sure you don't slide back to how you were though. Don't let complacency walk back in as the comfort levels restore. I have to remind myself of that all the time.

You take care - after tomorrow you will probably feel much better.

Saffie

[limbo]

I hope so Saff!!

I don't think I will fall into complacency again, I have had my wake up call and I do believe this has changed me for good.
Whatever life brings me from now on, I think how I face it has changed, and I am not the selfish peson I once was, I was an only child and I acted as such for to long!!!

[Heartbroken]

I hear you loud and clear on the pushing front...... I have pushed and tried and tested my H out time and time again since he recommitted. I think that I couldn't quite believe either him or that he was committed to US.

Saffie

I so can relate to this!!! I am finally done asking H if he is still talking to OW. I asked him to swear on his children's lives and gave him every opportunity to tell me "the truth" or what I think I should hear??? WTH why can't I just believe in him I want to so bad but this has been his pattern - she contacts him and they start talking again and he gets sad and emotionally withdrawn from me. I told him I cannot do Retro if she is even remotely in the picture - it's just not fair to our M... He even questioned he did not understand why it would matter if he were talking to her and then he stopped and actually heard what he was saying - it was like a light bulb came on.

H says he is so messed up emotionally - he fears he has wrecked everything for good. Even though I am so over the A and just want to move he cannot seem to let it go - you would have thought that I was the one that had the A!!! I really have a hard time understanding where he is coming from right now. I almost feel like he came back out of obligation and why am I so unlovable??? Then I step back and stop this negative talk and pick myself up by the bootstraps (again) - I have been doing this since last August you think I'd be used to it by now!!

Limbo - take it day by day and count the positives they mean SO MUCH MORE than those pesky negatives!!

Happy Thursday!!

HB

[limbo]

Thanks all!

I am actually now moving into the angre faze of the day!!! H is driving me nut with is obession over wanting a bike, and his totally unrealitic ideas of what we can do.
Right now its nothing, we don't have tons of money, and he keeps wanting to buy all kinds of stuff, so now he has put me into this position of having to say no, we can't do that, he is a frigging adult he knows what our finances are, but he ignores this and still thinks he is going to be able to get what he wants.
Is this something he is doing so that somewhere down the road he can use this as an excuse to go, because you know I don't let him do anything!

Sorry I am just getting really frustrated with this, I have actually said to H that this bike thing is going to be the one thing to make us divorce!

[Heartbroken]

Limbo,

It too weird - but my H went down the same route 'purchase-wise', however I did cave but not b/c I thought he'd walk if we did not get it but b/c it seems like a good family item so we can all do something together.

I wanted a bike (Harley) for years but he's been wanting a boat - so we just bought a $30K used boat - I thought he was more committed to us back in July/August. So WTH???- why get some extavagant purchase and he cannot committ to me emotionally (his 2 words) - this confuses me too. This must be a symptom of being a WAS???? Are they filling some void that they thought OW could have filled??? Yes, I am over analyzing AGAIN!! Just get me to my Retro weekend - one week from tomorrow!

I did tell him if we D the boat and it's debt is ALL HIS!!!!

HB

[Sara]

HB,

So glad to hear you are going to Retrouvaille in a week. You'll see. Everything will be different after that. When Limbo says she thinks she has changed for good, I believe her. Retrouvaille does change you. It makes you more aware of what you are doing or saying that bothers the other person. Once you can control that, getting along is so much easier.

[limbo]

Half the reason I don't want to buy is because of the fear of the future, but the main is the money, we have to get ourselves sorted out first financially, Like I said to h awhile ago, getting a bike is something you do when you are financially set, everything is in order with your house(we have alot to do in our house) but if we bought a bike, his intent is for us both to have one, then we would be so financially strapped we probably couldn't afford to run them.
I just worry that he will resent me at some point because I keep saying no!

[Sara]

Why don't you dialogue on how you feel about buying the bikes and see what happens? You know how you feel, but you also need to know how he feels too.

[limbo]

I have my helmet on, and I know the 2x4s are coming!!!

So I have been looking at a website h has been logging into, and discovered that he is daily for long periods of time talking to a women, he knew her back in the 80's, but has found her through the web site.
She has waited for him to log in, in the evenings, and have even discussed her "boob squeeze" as he put it...I know he will just say that they are friends, but this to me is quickly developing into a EA, I have no problem the odd chat, but they talk everyday, and he keeps the link up all the time to speak with her, I have seen pic's of her and she is a dog!!
I don't talk to my family as much or as long as he does...what should I do.

There is more, but have a wicked headache...so will post more later!