More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

Thank you for the remarks and for the encouragement. I definitely need to hear this more often. Friends and family do mean well of course but each time I hear someone tell me to give up, I wince thinking "that's not who I am". Not because I'm stubborn but because I believe in "us" and I remember the love.

The OM is about 400 miles away. They discussed weekend trips but I don't see that as a real risk anytime soon. It's just the emotional attachment at this point that seems to be the enemy.

I have been so tempted to stop the game but I knew deep inside this would only make things worse. She will stop when she has something better. Not beating myself up with this, just trying to keep myself encouraged to become that "something better".

We cannot currently afford an apartment. She has been looking for a job to pay for that.

It has been very difficult at times to hide in my own house. If it was constructed a little differently, I would contemplate building a separate room (we have 3 bedrooms, all occupied).

One important update to all of this: The OM has sent me an email today stating that he will discontinue the relationship. I have had contact with him in the past. I think the discussion they had over the weekend had a dawning affect on him and he feels he is not a suitable replacement because of issues within his own life as well as the distance between them.

However, he also mentioned that before they actually had a "spark" she told him that she had a 2 year plan. In 2 years she would obtain her degree, get a job and make enough money to support herself and the kids. While I was grateful for his openness, I was devastated. I don't know when they began speaking and I don't know when the spark actually started. I had no clue (and I guess that's part of the WAS situation) that any such plan could or would exist.

One battle at a time I guess...