Ya see Cliffy. That's the thing. I *think* that what I want is him out of my life but that's just not possible and I'd rather us be able to work together as a partnership to parent d.
I'd like to be able to be in the same room as him and not have him 'fill the room' - he becomes huge and I can't focus on myself - all the attention goes onto him and what he is doing, feeling, saying. I wish I could focus on me adn not be rude to him.
I'm tired of having to have this wall up that I am aware of that says "dont' touch him, if you touch him, you'll end up having sex with him". I would like to be able to give him a hug and have it returned in a platonic manner instead of being tense and waiting for him to grope my bum or kiss me (which 99% of the time he ends up doing if I show him compassion). Do I have to be a bitch for him to stop sexualising every encounter that we have when we are alone? Do I need to only meet him in a public place in order to feel comfortable around him? It's kinda getting to that point....and I don't know how to explain it to him without him thinking that I think he is a lowlife. He says he is sexually addicted to me. I am uncomfortable with this and don't know what to do about it without avoiding him altogether (which is what got me into troublwe last night cos I didn't tell him my plans with the babysitter).
