I had my first game of water polo last night so I organised a babysitter w/out telling h. He went off at me when he went to the house and found the babysitter there. He called me as I was leaving water polo and said "we need to talk".
got home, paid babysitter, took my lecture from h trying to use Db'ing techniques by agreeing with him that it was very rude of me not to let him no, I'm sorry, I made a mistake...tried to explain matter of factly that the reason I didn't bother calling him was becuase I knew he didn't finish work till at least 6.30pm (and possibly later depending if he had booked individual clients in for a training session) and I needed to have already left home by that time. Underlying reason is that I just didn't want to have to deal with him.
He says I'm shutting him out (yes...I am - I don't feel comfortable with him around) and I must let him know about anything to do with d, as in who is looking after her etc.
Fair nuff....I screwed up. I apologised. I don't know how long he will be pissed at me about it for. We are both sending mixed messages to each other. I just want some space for a little while to get strong and be able to deal with him.
A heap of other things have happened since he dropped the bomb the other week which I'll have to try to explain but we have joint counselling today (he asked last night if we were still having the session today in a manner that plainly said "well seeing as how you are being so cold to me, I'm sure you don't really want to go to counselling any more".
I'm just trying to detach. Not succeeding too well. I have ML with him twice since the bomb (on his initiation) as he still wants to be "intimate friends" and I'm still the only one that can make him that horny. the thing is, I've tried to say no...but I don't follow through on my actions enough. I resist a little say no...but don't want to upset him so I give in. I don't know how to handle the guilt when I reject him.
