I don't know if I'm processing or swinging wildly, like a pendulum, from one end to the other, lol. my friend told me I'd run thru the grief stages over and over, at a different rate and intensity as time marched on.
Its still the 17th and I'm already sad about tomorrow. weepy sad. its okay, I know I'm allowed to be sad. I'm sitting here watching sleepless in seattle for about the 3000th time. for some reason, its one of those movies I never tire of.
feeling sorry for myself. I used to think H and I had something so special. that I was so special to him. he told me so often enough, I guess I believed it. and I'm sitting here tonight watching this movie and listening to tom hanks' character talk about how special his wife was, how much she meant to him. and I just keep hearing my H tell me over and over what a rotten wife I was. what a disappointment. I don't know what I did wrong. (see, even though I know this is about him, I'm still trying to pretend I could have done something differently and made it all better/not happen)
okay, crying. I'll get over this hump, I will. and I know I can choose to remember the good things he said before all of this, or I can choose to remember the crap he's thrown at me over the last 7 months. I'm sure there is some truth to the good...probably more than the bad. I need to remember that a lot of the bad is alien spew. but still, it just really bothers me that he doesn't remember the good anymore. its completely blocked out of his mind. and that is just, well, sad.
alright people, tell me where i find a guy like tom hanks in this movie. just a nice, decent, fun, sexy, devoted man.
yeah, I know, he's fiction.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
