I think I got myself worked up again, over something really very trivial.
It's amazing what silly little things can set you off.
Yesterday evening, xh was kind of grumpy. Not evil or vile or anything. Just had a weird tone in his voice, and was a little irritable. The kind of irritable that we're all entitled to.
So we had a silly fight. It was nothing, really, and I knew it. I made sure to validate, let him talk, and not argue the points with him. There was no need, and I knew it would blow over.
This morning, I was feeling kind of dumpy. I got a little upset. xh, who was still asleep, asked me what was up. At first I was vague, saying just 'remembering stuff'. Then I thought I should clarify, and corrected with 'good memories, things from back when I was in college'. I've been making an effort to be more clear and try to accept when he offers comfort. I think I still may push him away too much.
Later, when I was driving to work, I got really worked up. So I called xh. We talked, I was getting more wound up. He was confused on why now, and so was I.
It took me some time after we'd hung up to realize what had done it. It was that odd tone in his voice last night.
Not that he'd done anything wrong, just that it reminded me--just a little--of how he'd sound when in crisis mode.
xh also called me again later this morning to see how I'm doing and cheer me up. I'm making an effort to accept and thank him for his kindness. It's not something that I am inherently good at. So I made sure to send him a 'thank you' text a little while ago.
I'm not bothered that I got triggered--at least I caught it before starting another round of fighting. I do wish that I had caught on a bit sooner. Oh well. Practice...
