Jak, Is how you and H spend time recreation together a R topic you two can have? This is more of a friendship type of topic that isn't threatening.
You two are in a rut, and you want to try different things, so you two can enjoy your time together.
Before the dancing, I can remember my W and I went to movies most weekends. It became a rut, and boring. I was so ready for a change, when my W asked me to go dancing one evening, three years ago.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
You are right we are in a rut. Have been for as long time. Only H likes his rut. When i bring the the convo he says you know i don't like to do that.Whatever.
He doesn't know how to dance and has never had the desire too.
He won't learn how to golf(thinks hitting a ball around is stupid) and in the spring i think i'll have my sil teach me.
He'll play ping pong in the basement and i like to do that But, i really don't think that is all the quality time i am looking for.
DID i mention i can't believe he's the one in MLC.
Boy you can really read between the lines on my sitch can't you?
My emotions are not allowing me to express myself the way i should but you get the jist of it.
Thanks, J
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Jak, I'm wondering if you should participate in an activity with him if it bores you (television, etc.). Maybe your time would be spent better elsewhere--even doing something in the house that you enjoy.
He doesn't seem to be willing to help you solve this R problem. This is his problem too. There's a lack of connection in the M. He needs to understand that things will need to be different.
I'm glad to see the restlessness you show in your posts. You're trying to bring some life into this M.
I know that you can't go back to the way things were. It won't work. He's going to have to accept that, and get with the program.
Change is on the horizon for you and your M.
I'm not so sure H likes his rut as you say. His history says otherwise.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
jak - I gree with CL, if you're going to make this work H needs to contribute too. I'm also glad to see the restlessnes and unwillingness to back to how things were.
Obviously I am not so good at getting that across (or my H just chose not to contribute)... but I think you've still got a good shot at it.
I'd work on a way to tell him very directly that you are not happy with the M right now, and that he needs to step up and help contribute. If you have some ideas for how to do that, great. If you don't or if he rejects them, ask him for his ideas.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I think you are right maybe this is what has helped his MLC along is that he doesn't like the rut.
AS Nikki said If he rejects them ask him his ideas.
I think I will start the conversation By asking him his ideas for Time together other than what we are doing now and take it from there. Then it won't seem like attacking him in his still unsettled state.
This way it can ease into convo about what i need as far as time together goes and also how much i get.
AS passive as he is he might be waiting for me to bring it up anyway. Any suggestions about this way of handling said issue?
J
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
SOOO I go out to dinner and a seminar(on weight loss) with friends from work last nite, Had lots of fun. Didn't tell H before hand just left a note for him that i went to dinner with friends and that i had fed the dogs. I didn't sign the note( h hasn't in 2 years if he even left one). I get home after h went to bed and i find a note on the counter which read,
Crazy girls going out on a school nite hope you had fun, LOVE U
First time in i couldn't tell you how long iv'e gotten a note let alone signed i love you.
I get into bed and h woke up said hi but kept his back to me. I kissed his back and told him cute note. He never turned to talk or look at me so i didn't dare touch him(wanted to jump his bones). This morning he is acting very distant.
WTF!!!
Have I said how tired I am!!!
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Jak, It was a cute note that your H wrote. I don't understand why he kept his back to you when you entered the bed. I'm not sure why he's being distant with you. One possibility is that he senses your dissatisfaction with the M, and is avoiding conflict.
Mixed messages and mystery are no fun. Avoidance on the part of your H is also no fun.
I think your plan of having a converstion on how to improve your recreational time together is a good one. He has to be willing to tolerate some conflict. This is a topic that has the potential to produce a positive outcome. Of course, he will struggle with it though and will need your persistence, patience, and guidance.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
My B's SIl passed away yesterday from lung cancer and we have calling hours and funeral this weekend also have to pick his dad up from nursing home for a visit home. Then H is going Sat. nite Hunting thru Sunday.
And of course I have to find away to get a life.
DO have an overnite shopping trip in the works for Nov. with friend from work to the outlet malls in waterloo.
Tal, I know you live not to far from there. Ya up for meeting me.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
