CVA - thin PJ's & Massages

[Puddle]

Hey CVA,

"you have no idea what its like to be home with the kids all day", ummmmm yeah, I do + work full time. I once stated here that I tend to move at a different speed than others, high gear, all the time, no stopping etc which is clearly part of our problem.

CVA, you clearly do a lot for your family---heck, a lot, period. It sounds like you're caught between wanting some recognition for that from W and knowing that she feels undervalued by you because you don't seem to need her. Does that sum it up?

If my poor W has a tough day, which is usually a homework incident, it is out for dinner cuz she is to overwhelmed to make something. That S#*t adds up when it happens all the time.

Has that always happened all the time, or just during this sitch? Sounds like you don't have a lot of empathy for W right now (and that's probably an understatement!). How much does that have to do with the book you found?

You sound like Heim right now re who's hurt the other more, except yours is who's put up with more.

The one phrase on the whole page highlighted is a statement by this author who apparently got Divorced and it says something like "I now feel like God lead me to this Divorce even though HE does not believe in Divorce" pointing out that God is an accepting God and that it is OK to move on and you shouldn't beat yourself up over this decision, which yes is hard but needed to wake up and realize a fuller life.

Mercy. I think there's a special place in hell for people who use god as a way to justify their own bad decisions, then write books enabling others to do the same.

Well "F" that. This was highlighted in the last week which would actually explains a lot about her reactions/mood toward me.

Well, you have some more information now. (First, you're sure W highlighted the text, right?) W is looking to justify her feelings, which means she's still moving away instead of toward you. Good to know (though it sucks).

Now I am under the impression that she is just waiting for the holidays to be over and get this over with at the beginning of the year.

You may be right. I'm not sure how you could find out without opening a can of worms, but perhaps it's a good idea to go with this assumption. What does it mean to you?

I am so angry that I am being strung along for convenience sake that all I pretty much want to do is confront her.

48 hours. Then talk if you have to. How about this: spend the next 48 hours on just you and the kids, don't think about W. Then see how you feel.

I am.trying to calm down and give it time. Pretty tired of me working on this and her avoiding me and giving her time. "I am hurt, whatever, yeah me too, get some balls or whatever girls need to get to deal with the issues".

CVA, I think she is trying to deal with it, but not in the way you'd like. She's thinking about it, she's reading (unfortunate choices there). You deal with it in your own CVA way.

I can see movement on your side. You're wanting to force a change, get going somewhere. That's fine. Just be sure it's from the right place. Being p*ssed off because of the book isn't the best place. Being mad because you feel like she's stringing you along for the holidays isn't the best place.

The holidays are all about the kids. It's huge for them, as you well know. Maybe you can't put this stuff aside until afterward. Maybe you shouldn't. Don't let the pusher talk you into anything that's less than what's best, though. If it's your pride talking---"I won't be strung along"---then maybe that's not as important as spending one last holiday with your intact family. Only you know for sure.

(((CVA)))), take care.