Could it be that either way, H is screwed about remembering/acknowledging your anniversary? That is, if he doesn't say anything you'll think he's an ass (i.e. he just dismissed the day that we married which resulted in these 3 great kids...)and if he does say or do something, then you perhaps might think why say anything at all? (that is, you're gone, living with OW, what do you want of ME?) Does it really matter if he responds one way or the other?
Make the day about yourself. Reflect on it. It was a happy time. You have three beautiful children who are here as a result of that event. It isn't something to be dismissed by you, but you need to figure out a way to process it in a way that is good for you, or at least, not as hurtful. I've always been of the mindset that you need to process through the feelings, not try to bury them. So do whatever you need to do tomorrow to get through the day; have a plan, have a backup (because things never go the way you intend) and just know that either way your H is screwed. He will not do anything right tomorrow with respect to your anniversary. Not because he might try, but because of the current sitch. Just knowing this relieves the pressure somewhat. It doesn't matter what he does/does not do.
What matters is YOU.
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what I need to realize, though, is that there are times that it is okay to walk away. like the other week when we talked and I was so upset, I tried to leave a few times and H would berate me for it, saying, oh, there I am, walking away and such.
Oh, I hear you on this one. My IC suggested that I just tell H what my process is so he knows that I am not trying to be a bitch and overtly dismiss him, but rather I need a few minutes to collect myself. If you are just walking away but not letting H know what YOU need, then of course H is going to go off the deep end. The WAS thinks things are all about them anyway. Turn the tables. Say what you need.
Me: 41 H: 42 Married: 13Y, together 24 Kids: S11, S9, D6 Bomb: 7/11/06, now piecing
