Alone

[MaxP]

Thanks all, I have been away for a few days and out of internet range. Feeling a bit better though.

Max, I have to agree with Shell. People say what they feel at that moment. Even when they are calm. I have also said similiar things to my H repeatedly and look where I am, DBing.

The thing I find hardest is that since dropping the bomb she has shown no positive signs of improvement in her attitude to our relationship / me. That's almost six months ago. Granted it's only recently she has finally declared with certainty that it's over but she seems absolutely certain. Her phrases consist of 'I have changed', 'it (our M) no longer feels right', 'from this moment onwards our R has fundamentally changed', 'you wouldn't understand because you don't feel what I feel'. Some of these are fair enough, but others feel to me like I'm being told she doesn't like the taste of anchovies. There's no meat in that statement to decipher the reasons behind it.

The weird thing I find is that during our period of separation we have seen each other only 5 times, 4 of which have been at our house (she likes to retain control and be able to leave - she always has an appointemnt to go to). The meetings at our house are usually tense and very civil - the seat of old memories, etc. How can anyone make anything other than a negative decision about our R based on that? Of course she is going to decide that things don't feel right. We never had a chance to start again. I find it maddening, but she retains all the cards - and now it's 'over'.

I can understand that she may genuinely no longer find me attractive or love me and therefore wants to leave. What I find odd is that this has happened so quickly (over the course of 1 year) and after such a long period of apparent happiness (over nine years together). The worst bit is that she doesn't seem to want to try to do anything about it or even think about it. I'm learning that love is a choice as much as a feeling. She seems to think it's the other way round. Arrrrrrgh! Forgive me I'm venting but I find it so puzzling. We are two very different people at the moment.

Do people really wake up one day as a different person?

Right, I better sign off before this becomes my War and Peace of venting.

Max