Decided this was the appropriate forum for my stuff now. I've been in Newcomers for awhile and I even posted something the "Surviving the Big D" forum. Here are the links to those:
As of about three weeks ago I had enough. It was obvious that despite being "busted" over and over on her relationship with the OM she wasn't going to stop. She denied it constantly, but I had all the proof I needed. So... woke up one Thursday morning (9/27) and decided that I needed to get my own place and I needed it pronto. I was sick and tired of having to work so hard not to snoop and wonder/worry about what she was doing. We had thought about getting an apartment that we would both use when not "in the house" with the kids, but I decided that was going to be a sore spot since I'm sure she would be using it as home base for her clandestine operations. I didn't want to be tempted to snoop in the APT, and I didn't want to hear stuff from any neighbors we might have.
So, on 9/27 I found a 3 BR townhome. On 9/28 I signed a year lease. Wife & Kids took off to FL for Fall break at 6:00 AM on 9/30 and by 6:30 I was showered, out the door, and actively moving stuff in to the Townhome. I didn't move any obvious stuff from the house. Instead I pulled furniture from our storage unit and cleaned out all my clothes and misc stuff from the house that wouldn't be missed by the kids. I accomlished quite a bit over the next three days then had to go off on a biz trip the following Tuesday - Friday. The entire week my wife was calling me and saying stuff like "i can't believe you are doing this", "you are enjoying yourself", etc. She made it seem like this was something I wanted vs. something that she had pushed me into.
Returned to our house on Saturday 10/6 and that was a very rough day. More of the same in the sense that she was acting like I was excited about becoming a bachelor again. That night we had a good, calm talk about what we were going to tell the kids the next day. On Sunday 10/7, we sat down with the kids in the evening and told them that we were separating. That was the hardest thing I've had to do in my life. All took it well except for my 6 (almost 7) year old son. He was quite upset. By bedtime I had him calmed down and smiling. Once all were in bed I went outside to have a beer and to unwind. I was absolutely spent. W came out and sat with me and we had another good, calm conversation. Everytime it would get heavy I would just change the subject and say I was done talking about it. Sometime after midnight she convinced me to go "bounce" with her on the trampoline. I figured it was my last chance at some 'action' for quite some time so I took it.
The next day I took all the kids to school and started moving furniture from the house to the townhome. I didn't want the kids to have to witness any of the moving. By the end of the day I had everything in the TH and W actually brought the kids over after school to check the place out. They were all excited with their new rooms and they helped me organize furniture and stuff. That evening I was back at our house for my last night there w/ wife & kids. Things went well, had another good, calm conversation w/ wife once the kids were in bed. No more "tramp action", but she followed me around like she was expecting something and I guess she sat there in her t-shirt and panties while I was in the process of crashing on the couch.
Next morning I took the kids to school again then I went off to work. My remaining clothes were loaded in the back of the Suburban and I returned to my TH that evening. W & Kids went to an early afternoon soccer game for my oldest and swung by the TH after it was done. More arranging and decorating by my W & daughters. Then, they left...
Stayed by myself the next couple of days. Picked the kids up from practices and dropped them off at the house.
Last Saturday I went over first thing in AM since W & youngest daughter had to go off to a soccer tournament for the weekend. I stayed with two oldest daughters & son. We spent the day at the TH and shopping for winter clothes for me (lost a lot of wgt and old ones didn't fit). We also bought groceries for the TH and some decorating stuff. Went home in the evening and hung out with the neighbors. W was in a pissy mood all day with her txt msgs and phone convo keeping me updated on D10 games. On Sunday we went to the TH and hung out all afternoon watching the Titans play Tampa Bay. That evening we returned to the house where I fed them all, finished their homework, and got them ready for bed. W & D10 returned about 7. I kissed everyone goodbye and headed out the door within 10 minutes. I didn't want the discomfort. She called later and made a comment that she knew I wouldn't stick around very long.
Monday we met for lunch and had a good talk. I told her that I needed her to quit taking jabs at me and insinuating that my moving out was something that I wanted and was enjoying. She agreed tand was actually quite civil & caring with me. Of course that morning I learned that OM & his wife are planning to divorce, so perhaps she sees a light at the end of the tunnel. She swears up and down that they aren't involved like that, but it just seems odd.
Now, I need to figure out how I proceed. What do I do? How do I carry on at this stage of my sitch? While moving in I stumbled on a VERY nice looking lady who is my age and divorced. What is the proper relationship to have with someone right now? I know that I'm in a very sticky sitch and I don't want to involve anyone else, yet I am VERY lonely and even the friendly relationship with someone like that cheers me up quite significantly.
I want the kids to stay in our house through the end of the school year even though keeping two households going is going to tax the hell out of me financially. So, I figure there is no big hurry to start divorce proceedings since we can't even think about selling the house until next spring. I figure involving a lawyer would just make things more hostile and I REALLY don't want to start that until I need to. However, I do need to start finding some happiness in my life.
I have no clue what my wife's hopes for the future are. All I can assume is that she plans on continuing her R with OM since I've seen no indication that isn't the case. Sure, we ML on the tramp that night and she has been acting jealous and saying things that make me think she hopes we work something out, but I don't think it is for real. I'm tired of struggling with things and after telling the kids I'm totally prepared to move forward.
Advice on any and all of this stuff would be appreciated. I want to do this right...
