I started to respond last night, but wasn't quite sure how to answer all of your questions.
First. School and job. You have to just let her go. You asked if it was to sow wild oats or to fill free time. Obviously, I can't answer that question. But these are not the onlty two possible answers. Perhaps you may want to consider that she just has a desire to attain something lacking in her life. With children at ages 13 and 17, I can see where a woman (or a man for that matter) would want to find a job and finish her degree. Could it have to do with regauining some youth? Sure. What the difference? Fear? There's nothing to fear.
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What if the current state is the best it can ever be between us?
This is for you to answer. I can't answer that. You said there is friendshiop and she seeks your advice. Go with it.
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Going against DB rules should I bring on discussion of the relationship?
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
And as I read through your post, the thing that stood out was the "kick to the curb" comment. Sadly, and you didn't know this at the time, what you said to invoke this was probably the worstn thing that you did.
One other thing. I did not see one thing here about your possible role in things getting where they are. Before my bomb, I had actually taken that inventory and was working on some of those things. You need to o a personal assessment.
