There and Back, # 9

[SallyM]

wow, thanks everyone! seriously, thanks. its nice to talk to people who really get it. the hurt and the anger and the frustration on our part, and the idiocy/insanity on their part.

neph, don't stop posting lyrics, I love them.

I think we all wonder and worry about what is the right thing to do, how to detach and how detaching will affect our relationships. hard to take that leap sometimes, because it really does mean letting go, when all we want to do is clutch at straws.

atgo and mark...freaking indians. grumble grumble. ahhh, well, they have an amazing team this year. and its not over till its over...we've come back from worse.

I ended up going to bed early last night and that was a good thing. I really am tired...emotionally and physically, just needed to sleep.

and now I have something new to deal with. H and I didn't really talk about when he was coming this week. he used to come on wedn, lately has been coming on thurs. today when he called he didn't say much to me. I was pleasant when I answered the phone, he just said pretty much nothing to me other than hi at first. I let the 3 kids talk, s5 was last and said, "see ya friday!" so my heart lept, he wasn't coming till friday! I was happy, I wanted the space. I got on to say goodbye and H asked why S5 said friday. I said, well aren't you going to see them on friday? confused, because I hadn't heard alternate plans for this weekend at all. he said yeah, but I'm coming tomorrow too.

my heart sank. I really don't want to see him tomorrow. but I sucked it up, was pleasant, and said, oh, okay, will see you then.

I wonder if he even remembers its our anniversary?

I thought about asking him to come tonight instead, or to say I have plans with the kids late or something. but I've decided not to. no matter what our differing perspectives on our marriage are, the kids are the good that came our of it, and maybe he just wants to see them/spend time with them on that day.

will plan to head out to the gym or run errands while he is here. will be strong and not bite his head off. will not blubber in front of him, at least will try my damndest not to. will let him talk if he wants to, will not bring it up to him, though.

that sounds good, right?

and I have today off...no H today. heading to the gym, then have a friend dropping her kids off for a bit so she can do a couple of things. think I may see if they want to stay for dinner, her H is out of town, so might be fun.

I feel myself slipping into hibernation mode in a big way, so even doing something like have them stay for dinner is a good thing. part hibernation, but still social.