NikkiB #21

[NikB]

And now some journaling... sheesh... what a day!!

I'll start with the good:

- I finally picked a room in the house to make into "my" space. It's a very small bedroom. I didn't really consider it at first because it's so cramped, and it's one of those rooms where the prior owners obviously did everything halfway - i.e. there are all these mismatched built in cabinets, really ugly carpet, etc. BUT, I decided it has a whole lot going for it, too. Far more than the overstuffed office. There's not too much stuff to move to clear it out, there's one area that I could easily put a rolling garment rack (cheap at Target!) to turn it into a closet, and I figure I can put a curtain or drape or something like that across one wall to conceal the hideous cabinets AND give me a pretty large closet (and pretty cheap except the bed). It also has an attached bathroom.. not very nice but I can do a few cheap things to spruce it up. It's also on the opposite end of the house from the other bedrooms, and has both a window overlooking the backyard and door leading to it. When we first moved here we joked about it being a horrible room for a teenager because they could live in there without ever leaving and they could sneak out so easy. Good room choice at least temporarily, eh?

If anyone has good ideas for decoratively "walling off" the closet part I'd love to hear them - the ones I've thought of are gonna get the job done but look kinda cheesy, so I'm open for other thoughts!

I moved some stuff out of there tonight, and I ordered a convertible sofa today. It'll be tight, but it'll work. I hope the sofa's reasonably comfortable - it was my best option to have both a "sitting" area during the day and a bed at night. I wanted a room I could hang out in, not just sleep in, and furniture that made sense for my new place if that's what happens (I'd get a "real" bed and make this a guest bed). Here's what I got:
http://www.furnitureontheweb.com/NoFrame/items/169650nf.html

It comes in next week. Anyone have experience with these?

It looked nicer and comfier than a regular futon at least and the reviews I read online were pretty positive (and the furniture store beat the web prices by quite a bit plus will deliver and set it up for me). Hope it works out.. I couldn't find one in stock anywhere to try it out, so had to just kinda go for it.

More work to get it finished but not much more, and I'm actually excited to get it set up - surprised me, I thought it would make me sad but it hasn't (so far).

- Did great in Bellydancing! We did some actual routines and turns tonight for the first time and I felt like I was screwing up all over the place. Got frustrated but calmed down, and I did get it right a few times. Talked to the instructor a bit afterwards because today was the first time she saw me really struggle due to my muscle issues as opposed to just being unfamiliar. She was surprised the extent of my problems and said I am doing GREAT considering all that, and she feels I'm basically keeping up with the class. That felt soooo good!!!

And WOW I just have to share my L experience. I am still kind of in shock. OMG... it was horrible. This guy was a complete and total a$$. I am so amazed by HOW awful this was. I had talked to him on the phone and wasn't really impressed but I thought I'd give him a chance in person. You guys won't believe this...

Apparently he is "semi-retired" so he closed his office last year and now works from his home. Um, ok, kinda weird but I can deal with that. Remember this is the guy recommended by my legal service. So... I am driving to his house / home office and the neighborhood is SCARY. I'm not being paranoid.. it was bad. It's known around here for "pizza guys won't deliver there, too dangerous" kinda thing. I almost turned around but I somehow convinced myself I was making "excuses" because I was nervous about the appt and forced myself to go anyway. (yeah, need to trust my gut).

Guy answers the door and just looks mean. Again I thought "Well maybe I'm setting myself up not to like him since he IS a D lawyer." Um no. (again, I need to trust my gut!) So I cautiously come in and sit down at his office (aka dining table but thankfully he had to walk through the kitchen to get to "his" side - you'll see why the distance was important shortly). Here's the upshot of our conversation:

L: So. What didn't you understand from what I told you on the phone? You split the assets, you split the debts, what's the problem? You work for a financial company right? You should understand this.
[me thinking.. WTF... I just GOT here.]
Me: I understand that but had some additional questions and was hoping we could go over my actual numbers, too. I wanted to remind you I am hoping it does NOT come to this but I just want to know my options and be sure I am protected.
L: [huuuge sigh while he grabs a pad of legal paper] What's your name again?
Me: Nikki [last name]. [spelling of last name]
L: [misspells my name and has to be corrected - THREE TIMES!! It is a 3 letter last name! Asks me for date of separation and I said we're not separated, he let out a big sigh again and said "Well fine I'll put today's date" and proceeds to put the wrong date.]
Me: I have some spreadsheets with our assets and stuff on them. [I hand him 3 pages of stuff - one is spreadsheets with our assets and debts, one is our incomes over the past 6 years, and one is a rough estimate of our property.. it's not that much info and very easy to read.]
L: [quickly scans page 1, throws pages 2-3 back on desk and laughs] There's no way you have this much in property. No way. You have what.. a fridge that's worth $100, maybe $50 in other appliances. Oh wait a TV, that's another $10. No one has this much. You have to use garage sale values.
Me: even for brand new appliances we just bought?
L: yes, garage sale values, or less.
Me: Ok. Well, my H has a lot of tools, the resale on those is much higher than things like couches.
L: [who started this statement after "my H has" and talked over the rest of what I said] It doesn't matter.
Me: Ok.. well my other big concern is that a lot of the assets in my name are pretty concrete, like the savings accounts, while a lot that's in his name is not very defined like all his cars.
L: [while I was talking he was shaking his head while looking over page 1 of my spreadsheet, the part he hadn't tossed back at me] You add up the assets, split those, and split up the debts. What don't you understand?
Me: [frustrated tone] I don't understand how we split the things like race cars that...
L: [also frustrated] I won't tell you a value of the cars. I am not setting it up so you can come back later and say I misled you.
Me: Please stop interrupting me. I haven't been able to get a whole sentence out. What I was trying to say is things like race cars that are not an obvious amount. I also don't understand if there's anything I need to do if I decide to move out and need to protect my rights financially.
L: [who started talking over me around "if there's.."] I can't give you the value, I have no idea what these cars are worth.
Me: [calmer tone] I am not asking you for a value, I'm asking you how that's handled.
L: I won't give you an estimate on the cars.
Me: I don't care about the amount. I want to know how it works.
L: [angrily] You get an appraiser.
Me: Is that something I should do now? And do they have them for something like racecars?
L: I don't care when or if you do it. Someone out there can appraise anything.
Me: Ok forget that. Let's say I move out tomorrow, what do I need to do to protect myself?
L: If your H doesn't pay the mortgage the bank forecloses, that's what happens.
Me: No, I mean protect any rights to the equity. I can't afford to split the mortgage plus rent somewhere else.
L: So it goes to foreclosure.
Me: No, I think my H would make the payment, I'm concerned about the risk on my rights to the equity if I am not helping with the mortgage.
L: I told you all this on the phone. How old are you?
Me: 34.
L: [patronizing tone] Well apparently you don't understand that life doesn't always turn out like you'd expect. And you didn't understand what I told you on the phone.
Me: [putting paperwork in binder and preparing to walk out] forget it, I'm not working with you.
L: [goes into long spiel that has nothing to do with my situation, about splitting pension plans and about how his wife screwed him when she left after 34 years.. then suddenly he calms down] I'm sorry, please don't get upset. Let me explain again. [explains what I didn't ask about.. AGAIN.]
Me: Look, all I really need to know RIGHT NOW is how to protect myself. Do I need to get anything in writing, or what?
L: I can file for you right now, D will be done quickly.
Me: That's not my goal. I don't WANT to file for D, I want to protect myself in case we separate.
L: [angry] Oh so why are you here. Is this just a dry run? You wasted my time?
Me: I told you on the phone and today I don't WANT this D, I am just learning my rights and how to protect myself. And you'll get paid for this time.
L: The law doesn't protect you. Are you kidding? Murder is against the law but if someone murders you, you are still dead. Do you feel that you're protected if you're dead?
[at this point I felt threatened.. he seemed PISSED at me.]
Me: Well isn't that the point of laws, to protect people or to have consequences?
L: It's paper, it doesn't protect anything.

I was already getting up to leave - conveniently his cell phone rang so he was distracted, and I took off out the front door as quickly as I could (this is why I'm glad he had to walk so far to get back around to where I was!).

I rushed out the front door while he tried to catch up to me. On my way out he said "No charge" and I (knowing I was close enough to the car to be safe) said "Good God I should hope not."

When I got to my car two of the neighbors were hanging very close to it and I think working on how to steal it (they were looking way too close at it). I hit the horn "panic" button and they took off but were taunting me a bit from a distance as I left.

I got out of there FAST but was in shock for about 20 minutes. Then I called the legal service and told them what happened, exactly HOW bad this guy was, and said they needed to 1. get me a referral to a real L, and 2. drop him from their plan before he hurts someone.

Can you believe that???? RIDICULOUS!!!

I am amazed I shook it off as quick as I did, I think the dance class helped and probably the surreal-ness of it. Sheesh. Note to self: trust your gut, and don't even consider going to meet someone if you already got a bad feeling on the phone. (this goes for my prior IC and for this L.. third time's the charm right??).

------------------

On to better things...

Tomorrow I am packing up and heading out for a few days. I did have to tell H a little about it just to confirm he can watch the dog and feed the fish - he said he can, so I said thanks and got off the phone quickly. He has no idea where I'm going or even for how long, just asked if he could handle that for a few days.

Once I get back we'll still be in the same bedroom until my new bed arrives but I think that will be Weds. or so of next week, so not too much longer.

Good night all in all, other than that lawyer thing. Feel like I lived through about 3 days today, though.